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An Open Letter to Lyman Briggs Students from Literally Everyone Else

 

Dear future doctors, scientists, and just general brainiacs,

 

The life of a Briggsie is filled with enough math and science to make most normal people go literally insane, so we’re assuming that you’re reading this while procrastinating on some massive homework assignment. Nice. Before you get back to your biology homework, we need to have a little talk.

 

Are you guys okay? Like, seriously, you guys are surrounded by science classrooms and other nerds at literally all hours of the day. Like, we get loving your studies, but we don’t know if we would feel completely comfortable sleeping and partying in the same building that our professor is grading our assignments.

 

To make it worse, MSU makes you poor souls live in Holmes Hall, a part of the dreaded East Campus. You literally live in the part of campus that nobody willingly goes to. It is your home. You might try to make the best of it by saying things like, “Akers caf is really good though,” but in reality, you know deep down that you live in the housing equivalent to the Wells Starbucks line at 10:05. It would honestly be more kind of the university to give you a loft apartment in literal Hell; at least then the walks to Case and the Breslin Center wouldn’t take 45 minutes.

 

We also wanted to check in because you’re the quietest of the residential colleges. We know that scientists aren’t always social butterflies. We just wonder sometimes. Don’t get us wrong, we appreciate the humbleness. At least you’re not a Madisonian arguing on Facebook posts about the geopolitical status of the work, or an RCAH major trying desperately to get someone to proofread their screenplay. That’s not your style, and we completely respect it. It’s just that sometimes we want to hear you deliver a sassy science clapback. We want to see you spit some hardcore science in an online argument. We want to see you establish dominance as the most alpha residential college.  

 

Your professors aren’t even as quiet as you. Rob LaDuca, aka MSU’s resident Meme Master, is among your ranks. The man makes his iconic presence known throughout MSU’s corner of the internet, and isn’t afraid to publicly flex a little bit of his science skills. You, and every student even outside of Briggs, should strive to be more like your valiant leader LaDuca.

 

Alright, if you’re doing fine, we’ll let you get back to your procrastination. You only have so much time to kill before that assignment needs to be done, after all. Enjoy yourself as much as science will allow, and don’t be afraid to unleash your inner LaDuca on the rest of campus.

 

Sincerely,

Every Other Spartan

 

 

What do your parents know about Tinder?

 

 
 

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