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5 Reasons Women Have No Right to Be Mad About the United Leggings Incident

Yesterday, United Airlines sparked controversy after it didn’t let two women wearing leggings board a flight in Minneapolis. But, we think that’s all poppycock, and we have 5 good reasons why.

5.) You Should Be Ashamed of Your Filthy Body:

Have a little modesty for once in your stupid lady life. There are children around and you’re wearing pants that are tight. What if a small child were aroused? Keep a little room for Jesus between your pants and your thighs, lady.

4.) We Already Gave You The Right to Vote:

First, you got the right to vote, then you got a chance to have equal rights in the workplace. What about Title IX?! Hell, we even let a woman run for President of the United Fuckin’ States. It was cute, but this whole leggings thing is a step too far.

3.) Abortions!:

We’re happy to give you control over your body, but only as far as it affects you, and we guess, like, some sort of parasitic thing that we jizzed inside you. You wanna keep flushing those things down the toilet after promiscuous sex with strange men, fine. But at least try to look decent on a flight.

2.) What If You Got Your Period And, Like, Didn’t Have Any Tampons, Then Your Gross Period Blood Got On the Seat Then They Had To Get A New Seat Or Something?:

What if that happened?

1.) C’mon!:

Like, you know, c’mon! If you don’t listen to what us white men have to say, then pretty soon blacks, Latinos, even the  gays won’t listen to what we have to say! We won’t stand for this.

WATCH: What if the Ivy League had a group chat?:


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