“Looks Like I’ll Be Sucking My Own Cock Now,” says Scaramucci After Being Fired

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Trump’s approach to running the government like a corporate enterprise doesn’t seem to be working out based on the choices he’s made thus far. This has become even more clear after his decision to hire Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci. Scaramucci, an outspoken former Goldman Sachs employee who was recently quoted saying he is “not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” has retracted his statement in the wake of his firing today.

“I guess now that Donald Trump and my wife have abandoned me, I’m going to have to suck my own cock,” said Scaramucci after questioning whether this report was on the record or not. “Serving my country was a waste of 10 days, I barely made over $1 million.”

President Trump has found triumph in his remarks being unfiltered and politically incorrect. However, it seems that when the circle jerk stopped at Scaramucci’s name calling of Steve Bannon, friction began in the West Wing.

“I thought we were only going to fuck over poor people and women,” said Bannon of the situation last week. “Us powerful white men have to stick together so we can have some real change in this country.”

Decisions were said to have come from new chief of staff and Gen. John Kelly, who replaced Reince Priebus on last week’s episode of White House Apprentice. It took some convincing for the president who thoroughly enjoyed the circus show, claiming there was “No WH chaos!” via his Twitter.

Scaramucci will now have plenty of time on his hands and his mouth to do what needs to be done.

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