5 Beautiful Rings To Get Your Favorite Masturbating Hand This Valentine’s Day

author-pic at University of Arizona  

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and it’s not too early to start thinking about the perfect gift for that special someone in your life. For all you single ladies out there, don’t worry. The Black Sheep has compiled a list of the most unique, beautiful, and affordable Valentine’s Day rings to decorate your favorite hand as you masturbate yourself into oblivion.

5.)  Retro Hallow 925 Sterling Silver , For That Special Someone Hand:

5 retro hollow

Um, did someone say sale? This beautiful rosy sterling silver ring is cute, affordable, and is sure distract you from the crushing weight of loneliness! Doing the five-knuckle shuffle to make yourself feel better about being single is a Valentine’s Day tradition, might as well do it in style.

4.) Pear-Cut Rosegold Diamond Ring, For The Hand Without Another Hand to Hold:

4 pear cut

Bae is going to LOVE this one. The pear shape is unique and reminds you of the many tears you shed after Aaron broke up with you over text. But it’s okay. You’re okay. It only made you stronger. This beautiful tear-drop-shaped diamond ring is symbolic of strength, perseverance, and, shit you’re crying again. Hey, at least your hand loves you.

3.) Onyx Gold, For The Goth Hand In Your Life:

3 onyx

For the hand in your life that likes to be a little darker and a little more mysterious, this onyx ring is perfect. It’s dark and depressing, like all your previous relationships, yet the 14K gold band is a symbol of hope for the future. All you can do for now is slip on this finger ring and get to fingering!

2.) Tri-Pearl, 13K Gold, For Your Man Hands :

2 tri pearl

There’s nothing dantier or more delicate than pearls to make your man-hands seem more feminine. Next time someone tells you that “you have a really firm handshake for a girl,” you can sock ‘em in the face with your pearl brass knuckles. Then go home and put your energy into something that actually matters: giving yourself an orgasm that no man can compete with, while looking cute AF.

1.) Black Diamond Cross, For the Pure Hand:

1 black diamond cross

What better way to masturbate than with a ring with a big black sparkly cross to remind you that God is always watching. But we all know the most famous piece of scripture, Psalms 69:101 if thou finds thyself without a lover on the day of St. Valentine, thou shalt “dittle thy Skittle” until sunrise, and feel no shame. H*ck yeah!