Every Arizonan knows that the biggest rivalry in the state is between The University of Arizona and Arizona State University (also known as ASS University). The obvious victor in this feud is The University of Arizona, but die-hard ASU fans just can’t seem to understand why. Well, we got 5 reasons why it sucks to be a Sun Devil.
5.) Size Doesn’t Matter:
We’re sure you’ve heard that from just about every teeny-weenied guy you’ve met, but listen up. U of A’s campus makes it easier for students to navigate, which helps students get to class on time. Plus, if students at U of A want to take a required class, they don’t have to worry about traveling to another campus, like students do at ASU. We get it, ASU is vulnerable to our superiority, and is trying to use size to compensate for something else, possibly their overall suckiness?
4.) There’s Less Competition:
U of A also has a significantly lower population of students, 42,000, compared to ASU’s 72,000 students. Sure, it’s nice to think about how much easier it is to get a higher class-rank, but what we really care about is there’s less competition on Tinder. At ASU, your chances of finding a 4 that’s half an hour away are equal to finding a solid 7 right next door at U of A. You’ll be banging in no time.
3.) More Bang For Your Buck:
Speaking of banging, for the past 3 years, The Princeton Review has named U of A as a “College That Pays You Back.” Sure, ASU may have lower tuition rates than U of A, but it’s only an $800 difference. This may seem like a lot to ASU students wanting to use that extra $800 to throw a sick rager, but in reality, the median salary of recent college-graduates from U of A is higher than recent graduates from ASU. By the time we’re all thirty, Wildcats will be drinking that 18k champagne Beyoncé poured down her hot tub, meanwhile Sun Devils will be at their local bar, sipping on a Bud Light, regretting that shitty business degree and STD they earned at ASU.
2.) School Spirit
U of A Mascots Wilbur and Wilma are obviously superior to ASU’s mascot, Sparky. Wilbur and Wilma are basically relationship goals, because they attend every sporting event together, dance, and are welcoming and friendly to all. Meanwhile, ASU’s mascot is literally Satan. The Sun Devil is just 1 step away from being Sheriff Joe Arpaio. ASU can learn a couple of things from U of A’s happy cat family.
1.) It’s The Little Things That Make A Big Difference:
Overall, there are so many little things that make The U of A special and unique atmosphere compared to ASU. The fact that it’s hotter in Tempe than it is in Tucson. U of A is the first university in Arizona. There’s a turtle pond on U of A campus, the glorious Highland Market Burritos, and even Free-Condom Friday!
When it comes down to it, U of A and ASU will always be rivals, and feuds between families, friends, and co-workers will never end. But, if you cannot comprehend that U of A is more amazing than ASU after reading this article, then you must belong at ASU.