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Campus Study Abroad Offices Flooded with Requests to “Get the Hell Out of Here”

As a result of Donald Trump’s impending presidency and one of the wildest election cycles most people have ever witnessed, campus Study Abroad Offices nation-wide have reported a drastic increase in inquiries about the study abroad program.

Specifically, students have been bombarding departments with emails asking how they can leave the country immediately and whether Nordic countries are in fact real or make believe.

Susan Hofstra, a senior who works for the Study Abroad Office at University of Arizona, had much to say about the absolute mayhem of the past 24 hours:

“We’ve gotten about 2,000 emails since the election results came in and I think I’ll have carpal tunnel by the end of the week,” said Hofstra. “I now understand why it took the FBI so long to go through all those Clinton emails. I’m just wondering which of us have had to go through more dick pics.”

While the majority of requests have come from students who wanted to make America great again, many students who supported the presumptive president still have a bitter taste in their mouth.

“We’re the laughing stock of the world for letting Trump win. Like, this man has zero Twitter game and definitely wears a toupee,” remarked sophomore Austin Hanson. “So I’m just going to study abroad in Sweden or some shit before the markets crash and despair sends this country freefalling into the infinite abyss… and because I heard the girls there are fine as hell.”

“I want to be filled with another culture as my country takes 5-7 steps backwards culturally,” said another student, refusing to come out from under her covers until her campus’ Study Abroad Office emailed her back.

In response to the chaos, the department has announced an 8-semester study abroad, roughly how long it’ll take for America to get its shit together.

If they didn’t want us to drink all 30 beers in one night, then they wouldn’t put them all in the same box:

 

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