Yesterday, Spotify announced that only its paying subscribers will be able to listen to certain albums during the first two weeks of their release. This news has upset many Spotify users that don’t pay for its premium services. In fact, dozens of free subscribers in Los Angeles are already planning a large protest for this weekend.
“Of course it’s going to be huge,” said long-time Spotify user, first-time protester, and self-elected head of planning Bill Krazowski. “These corporations only think about money, so how do we get their attention? By spending a ton of money!”
“We’ll start with a march,” Bill continued. “Every protest I watch on YouTube has some marching. Of course, this won’t be a long march, since the weather is getting pretty hot and nobody really likes walking. After that, we’ll move on to the main event — we’re renting The Forum and having a concert there! That’s another way to stick it to Spotify, with loud music!”
Elise Krazowski, Bill’s wife, was able to provide further details regarding the concert. “We wanted to invite musicians who didn’t have their music on Spotify for whatever reason, since we felt they would understand our struggle. I’ve already contacted Taylor Swift’s agent, and he promised to consider it. I also tried to get in touch with Prince’s agent but nobody answered. I wonder why?”
When asked if they knew that their protest was going to be far more expensive than an actual Spotify subscription, they both just laughed and shook their heads. “Sure, a Spotify subscription is only 10 bucks a month,” Bill acknowledged. “And sure, we’ll probably have to dip into our son’s college fund to pay for this protest. But it’ll all be worth it when the big wigs take notice and realize that they can’t treat their loyal subscribers this way.”
Other protesters were equally fervent about their cause. “Asking me to pay for Spotify is like asking me to pay my taxes — I’m just not going to do it,” said a protester who understandably wished to remain anonymous. “Our country is the definition of freedom. The Constitution even has an amendment promising the freedom to listen to any music we want! Look it up, I think it’s the 28th one.”
While the protest is currently still in the planning stages, the organizers are confident that it will be a success. “Sometimes, you have to spend money to save money,” Elise said, smiling the way people do when they think they’ve said something profound. “That’s the kind of wisdom you won’t hear on Spotify.”