Throughout our college years, we have all had at least one smokin’ hot TA that we spent days and days convincing ourselves to make a move on. Class after class, you mulled over in your head what the best thing to say to her would be to lock in your chances of banging; but the move was sadly never executed. Now the hot TA is long gone, skipping through a meadow with another kid in your class who actually had the balls to talk to her after class. And you’re sitting in smoker’s alley, crying into your horse hair flavored “latte” from CC’s in Middleton. The Black Sheep is here to make sure this never happens to you again. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to seduce your hot TA:
5.) Show up to at MOST one class per week:
Your TA is most likely older than you and far more mature. She doesn’t want a man who shows up to every class and sits in the first row like a little puppy—she wants a man who is too preoccupied to make the trek from his room in Herget to class three times a week.
4.) Send her at least six emails a day:
Without a doubt, there is nothing more your TA wants than to chat it up with students via email. Don’t even email her about the course—just ask her what she’s up to later. Maybe ask her if she wants to go on a date to Reggie’s with you. If she seems uninterested, she probably just doesn’t want you to think she’s too eager. Always persevere.
3.) Tell her to smile more:
Research shows that there is literally nothing girls like more than to be told to smile more often. Pop into her office and tell her to turn that frown upside down! If that doesn’t cheer her up, she’s probably just moody because she’s on her period! Make sure to comment on this as well.
2.) Bring wine to her office hours:
Show up five minutes after her office hours end with a 3/4 full bottle of Barefoot Moscato. Catch her outside in the quad as she’s walking to her car and chat her up. Offer her some, then take a sip right before you hand her the bottle. This shows her that you wear the pants in this relationship, she’ll be into it.
1.) Wife her:
If you followed all these steps correctly, she will definitely want to marry you. For the final step in this fool-proof plan, ask her to marry you after class one day. At this point, the seduction of your TA is completed and you can live your lives together knowing you swooned her with all the right moves.
If it’s finals week and you have yet to seduce said hot TA, give up and drop out of LSU. In fact, move countries. You’ll probably never find love and will be forced to live out your days on a snowy mountaintop in Slovenia, wishing you were in an Eno with your honey.
What would YOUR parents say about Tinder?