Are You Making Your Valentine’s Day Cookies Sexual Enough?
Break out the heart-shaped sugar cookies, the rainbow sprinkles, and you’ll be cutting the sexual tension in the air with the little, plastic knife you’re using to spread the pink frosting. The way you decorate your cookie sends a message to your Valentine, just how sexual of message do you want to send?
10.) Let’s be Friends:
A safe play on the sexual scale. The classic Friend Zone placement indicates you don’t want none of that D, but that their presence in your life is one of the few you can tolerate.
9.) Heart-Eyes Emoji Face:
You’re sending some slightly flirty vibes with the heart eyes, but overall this smile is still completely innocent. So, don’t get your panties in a twist, it’s not like it’s a winky or a smirky.
Things are starting to heat up, you’ve added some kisses and body touching into the equation. This says, “I want to kiss and hug you,” or “I’m your mom and I love you and have a nice day, honey bunny,” or “I am Gossip Girl.”
7.) Send Nudes:
Kicking it up a notch on the sexual scale. You know what you want and you’re not afraid to ask for it. We all know this is why Snapchat was created in the first place, so send that puppy for a full 10 seconds and maybe you’ll restrain yourself from taking a screenshot.
6.) I3 0 0 I3 5:
Fondle them, caress them, give them a gentle squeeze, but whatever you do, treat those ta-tas right. Take a moment to step back and appreciate the girls before revving up the engine on that motorboat.
No matter how hard you try not to notice how often this number comes up in your daily life, it still gets you every time. “Class, please turn to page 69 in your text,” or “You’re total today will be $69.00,” or “Hey, want to 69 in the back of my car later this afternoon?”
4.) Bite the Booty:
Don’t lie. You like big butts. We know you think about taking little nibbles out of that donk every once in a while. It’s hard to resist the booty, so plunder away.
They’re down, you’re down, we’re all down so let’s just bang already.
2.) Butt Stuff:
Things are getting border line raunchy. You want to go 50 shades darker tonight in your Red Room and you want your Valentine to know it. You may be a lady on the streets, but you a freak in the bed.
1.) People Doing It:
You want to get it on with your Valentine, and if you have to use slightly pornographic images made of frosting to get your point across, then you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
Frosting tubes are being squeezed, fingers are being licked, and crumbs are getting stuck on faces, it’s as sexual as it gets. We know there’s only thing on your mind you dirty bird, so come hell or high water, mama’s going to get her cookie this Valentine’s Day.