1000 New Spots, 1000 New Smiles

 

Parking at FSU is like a night when you actually bring a girl home from the bar: it happens once every three months during a full moon. But that all ends this Valentine’s Day, sources say.

 

Yes, in addition to the new St. Augustine Street parking garage, construction crews have been slaving tirelessly since 2009 to complete a state-of-the-art, unprecedented underground parking garage that will give students access to 1,000 more parking spots in the dead center of campus. 

 

“It’s coming on three years now, we’ve just got to paint a few more spots and let them dry - then we’ll be done.” said George Martin, Chief Construction Foreman on the project. 

 

“We wanted to keep it under wraps until a few weeks before, so as to prevent any unwanted sleuthing or prodding,” a parking services representative said, “but since I have a special place in my heart for The Black Sheep, we decided to present you all with the news first.” 

 

Along with 1,000 new spots directly under campus’s central Hoffman Classroom Building, the new “Jimbo Fisher Underground Parking Jumbo-Plex” will include air conditioning, flat screen televisions displaying how many spots are open and where said spots are located. There will also be a game room featuring all-new Twilight pinball and virtual Chutes and Ladders. 

 

“You know, kids like pinball and games and stuff. They’ll love having the option to play games while they wait for spots, since they will undoubtedly be full most of the time anyway.” Martin also remarked. Rumor has it that upgrades are already in the works, with construction of an underground recreational swimming facility to be started next fall.

 

The FSU runner’s club is even thinking about starting a 5k race from bottom to top.

 

“It’s going to be exactly 3.1 miles from the last spot at the bottom to the first spot at the top. We could raise a ton of money and probably be the first people ever to host a race in a parking garage.” said Chad Braddington, President of the organization.  “The inclined ramps will be a great chance for our Greek members to put that inclined treadmill running practice to good use.”

 

Access to the garage is set to begin Friday, February 10th at 11:59 p.m., just in time for Valentine’s Day. Sources within the school administration are calling it “a show of love to all of our students.” A ribbon-cutting ceremony had been planned, until they realized that the best way to break this garage’s parking cherry was through student use. In order to enter, students must drive to the top of the Woodward Garage, honk their horn three times, turn off their lights, put down their left-rear window (ALL THE WAY), and accelerate to at least 60 mph while driving directly at the east facing wall, towards what designers plan to call “Platform 4.20”, in what seems to be a play on the famous Platform 9 and 3/4 from Star Trek

 

Martin closed, “Who knows, maybe the kids will make it a new make-out point? All I know is they’ll have fun getting inside, and even more fun playing pinball.”

 

 
 
 
 
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