A Spring Break Playlist That Isn’t Kidding Anyone
- Written by Annie Hiner
- March 7, 2012
Spring break means one thing for college students: party. While getting blackout on the beach and screwing a random in the bathroom always leaves for good storytelling, the key to any successful drunkfest is, without a doubt, a banging party playlist. Though your iPod may already contain your go-to playlist, titled something along the lines of "#RAGE" or "SB Get Laid Get Paid Mix", this year you may want to take serious consideration in your spring break mix. Why not create a playlist that is actually relevant to your spring break adventures? Because, let’s be honest, we all know your spring break is more likely to involve getting multiple STDs, rather than “getting money” or “big pimping.”
"Stayin’ Alive" by Bee Gees: You’ve already created your spring break bucket list. I mean, it’s not spring break unless someone shows their boobs, gets arrested, and throws a punch in a bar fight. As funny as it would be to see your friend make out with an old lady, make sure your priorities are straight. Staying alive should be number one any college students list. So maybe don’t take a ride from that toothless stranger, or have a power hour with Everclear. Load on that SPF 100 sunscreen and sing it loud and proud because this spring break, despite everyone’s prediction, you’re staying alive…ahh ahh ahh ahh, staying alive.
"Rehab" by Amy Winehouse: It isn’t alcoholism until you graduate right? Yet, after any 7 a.m. shot of Smirnoff chased with a warm, two day old Milwaukee’s Best, you begin to question yourself. It’s normal to piss the bed at age 22, right? Blowing chunks in the middle of your sloppy rendition of "Don’t Stop Believing" during karaoke night just shows how big of a party animal you are, right? So what if you haven’t taken a sober picture in over 6 months? Luckily, pathetic or not, this is actually normal behavior. Rehab? No, no, no. Why? Because it’s spring break, drink up bitches! However, once these four years are over and you’re still pounding Four Lokos at noon, you may want to consider saying yes to that rehab question.
"Somebody to Love" by Queen: As a college student, you work hard every day. Therefore, you not only deserve the vacation of a lifetime, but certainly a good bang sesh to go along with it. Why else would you have spent your last two paychecks on a gym and tan membership? It’s time to get it in, yet two o’clock is approaching and you are still perched up alone at the bar drowning your lonesome sorrows. While you are fantasizing about earlier when you covered a group of hot girls’ tits in whipped cream, you realize you have already reached your peak. Can anybody find you somebody to love? Probably not, but my friend, it’s time you lowered your standards. It’s 1:58 and time is wasting, even that beached whale would do at this point.
"Catch my Disease" by Ben Lee: There is nothing worse than waking up with your ears ringing, head pounding, stomach churning, and laying next to someone that looked way better at 1:58, right? Well, it can get worse. Drunk and horny spring break judgment can result in much more than a dizzy, awkward morning. This year, a cute little shot glass may not be the only souvenir you bring home. Sure, peeing may now be a painful experience, but it’s simply because this spring break you opened much more than your heart, and caught that disease, and that is not the way you like it.
"I Need A Dollar" by Aloe Blacc: Buying a round of shots for ten strangers seemed like a good idea at the time, we’ve all been there. I mean, you were the coolest person at the bar for like 30 whole minutes. Not to mention that straw hat and tie-dyed spring break tee. They were probably the best purchase of the night, of course you’ll wear it again! However, let’s be honest, all of that sun you got on vacation gives you the delusional impression that you’ve been spending Monopoly money the entire week. Unfortunately, vacations end, bank accounts go empty, and you’ll definitely never find a dollar inside a bottle. So as your vacation comes to a close, and you enter reality (even if reality means getting that Subway visor on and going back to work) you suck it up and go because dollars are what you need, hey hey.
Don’t clog your iPod with nonsense spring break party lists, who are you kidding? You are no party rocker. You are just a drunk, gonorrhea-infested college student. So this year, be sure to let your party playlist really reflect the adventures that are awaiting you on your spring break. Have fun, and use a condom, you don’t want it to hurt next time you piss the bed.