Booze Review: Gordonís Vodka


Grade: F+



Welp, it’s been a while since we’ve reviewed vodka, so we figured we’d get this cheap handle and have a whack at it. Here’s what I think: “Worst vodka ever” (Simpsons Comic Book Guy voice). 



Having grown up a bed-wetter, Gordon decided one day that he would have his revenge on the world for his misfortune. So he did the worst thing he could possibly conceive: brew a vodka using… (gulp)… grains. Then to top off his evil master plan he taglined his vodka with the phrase “The smoothest, most mixable!” Such evil has only before been known to Mephistopheles himself. I mean, it is better if you mix it, but I’m using the term “better” here fairly loosely, like how it would be better if that girl giving you a handjob smarted up and used some lube, but you know, it’s still a handjob. 


Typical Drinkers

Only hobos who find this crap in the dumpster because some civilized people wised up and threw the crap out. Not good. 


User Comments

“Oh guh. Is this nail polish remover?”

“I don’t want to do another shot… Ugh, well I guess if you are.”

“NO. No more. …Well, I don’t want to go to the bars sober.”

“This is torture! Why are we still drinking this?!”



It is a handle for just under twenty bucks, so if you have some thick mixing chasers then try your luck. But really, just don’t. 


The Mixer Center

Straight: Fucking F

Coke: D+

Lemonade: D-

You know what? No. Don’t buy this.


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