Booze Review: Laird’s Applejack Brandy
- Article by Carles Barkley
- February 2, 2012
I get my alcohol at our local Picadilly every Thursday, and one employee in particular has been pushing this Laird’s on me for well over a month now. Hell, even after I bought it he is still going on about how much he loves the stuff. So I’m hoping that by reviewing this particular brandy, he might give me a cut of whatever the hell they’re paying him to say such splendid things about their Applejack Brandy.
John Evans Laird the Third inherited the family distillery just after his grandparents’ passing in 1995. After the appropriate fifteen years of mourning and drunken stupor as is customary and traditional in the Laird family, John Evans began work on creating a special brandy to commemorate his grandfather. Adding a special applejack-style to his brandy was the best way to remember his grandpa's hard apple cider without actually producing sissy hard apple cider. It wasn’t until the Laird family had properly enjoyed their new special brandy that they were able to share this gift with the world last November.
“I feel like I should be at barndance.”
“What do you mean you don’t mix anything with brandy?”
“Someone bring me my cigars and my servant.”
“I hope I don’t spill on my tuxedo.”
People who wore monocles back when it wasn’t ironic, the Laird family, the employees of Picadilly on First and Springfield, large mustached men, villains who consider themselves classy, freshman who want to look impressive at barndance, and the northern half of Texas.
Feeling fancy? Go ahead and Laird your life up. Or at least do it so the men at Picadilly will quit force-feeding me this stuff. I’m not mature enough for brandy yet.
The Mixer Center
On the rocks: B-
Apple juice: B+
With bacon: A++ - (it’s bacon dammit.)