Booze Review: Mango Smirnoff
- Article by Carles Barkley
- May 10, 2012
Overview: For the final booze review of the year we stick with what we know: girly vodkas. So when we got to Piccadilly, we went straight to the vodka shelf and picked out the only Smirnoff flavor we had yet to review.
History: Just when Smirnoff had thought they’d completely exhausted every last fruit-based flavor, they remembered mango and how weirdly tart and delicious the fruit can be. So they took it to production, and the fans went wild. Their first batch of Smirnoff Mango was to die for. It was nectar from the gods. So much so that it caused riots in the streets; people went mad over that alcohol. So finally, after some tweaks to tone the taste down to levels tolerable to man, they have rereleased Smirnoff Mango for your enjoyment.
Typical Drinkers: Fury-induced mobs, Jessica Rabbit, weird butterflies, people who bite their nails too far back, Phil Dunfy, women who wear tankinis, corrupt judges, people who get tattoos when they’re drunk, and children who grow up with fears of clowns.
“People don’t change, just like mangos.”
“Where the heck can you even find mangos, or when are they even in season?”
“It’s sweet and tart, but not in a way that I hate.”
“Typing hurts my fingers because all my nails have been torn past the beds.”
“Anyone else feel like getting a tattoo?”
Conclusion: Go for it. You’re done with finals by now. That must be nice. Enjoy your summer, because before you know it, you’ll all be in the real world, unemployed and worthless.
The Mixer Center
Orange Juice: B+
Pineapple Juice: A+