Booze Review: Seagrams Sweet Tea Vodka
- Written by Staff
- October 11, 2012
Overview: Everyone loves an ol’ homemade batch of some Southern sweet tea, as long as it’s not that knock-off crap from McDonald’s. Add that to a bottle of Seagram’s vodka, and y’all fixin’ to have yourselves a nice lil’ hoedown all night long.
History: It was a hot Georgia morning, and Mama Seagram was in the kitchen making a batch of her secret recipe sweet tea for the barn raising that afternoon. Mama was known for her tea around town, and she had been threatened many-a-time at the county fair when her recipe always took first place, especially by Paula Deen. Mama was alone in the kitchen, happily mixing all of the ingredients in perfect proportions. She left the room for a short moment for some fresh air. As soon as she exited, sneaky Paula Deen popped out of the pantry closet and strutted over towards the tea mixture on the counter. She pulled out a small flask from her pocket and emptied the contents into the pitcher. Just then, Papa Seagram entered the room and gasped in shock. “What in tarnation! Mrs. Deen, ain’t no reason you should be a-larking around in my house!”
She turned towards him with an evil smile, “Is that a stick of butter in your pants, or are you just excited to see me?” He tensed up in anger. “How ‘bout you just get along now. Ain’t nothing you need to see. If I hear tell you been tellin’ the missus about me, I’ll dip you in my vat of sour cream and toss you in the river!” Papa Seagram ran out in a hurry, Paula Deen escaped otherwise unseen, and Mama returned to take her batch of tea to the barn raising.
Her tea was an even bigger hit than usual, and Mama just equated it to the hot weather that afternoon. But when she had a drink of it herself, it didn’t take long for her to realize it had been tainted with premium vodka. Mama had no clue how something like this could happen, but she knew it was damn good, and you can bet your bottom that little varmit Paula Deen never got any of the credit.
Typical Drinkers: Amish rebels, Paula Deen, old cowboys with no teeth, uppity McDonald’s visitors, women in fancy hats, and Honey Boo Boo.
“Wait, do I have to mix this with something? It’s so good.”
“I reckon we’re gonna get pretty f’d up tonight.”
“A drink this good is as scarce as hen’s teeth, y’all!”
“We should get a whole keg of this next time.”
Conclusion: A drink so tasty y’all could probably drink it straight or with a bit of water and still enjoy it. You’re darn tootin’ this stuff is good.