Booze Review: Smirnoff Whipped Cream Vodka


Grade: A-


Overview: My boss told me I couldn’t review any more Pinnacle products, so when I saw this tasty treat on the shelves of Picadilly, my panties soaked up quicker than you can say “delicious.” 


History: History isn’t too hard to figure in this case. After the whipped cream flavor began skyrocketing in popularity among its consumers, Smirnoff caught wind of the new flavor, and deemed it necessary to introduce a new flavor to their selection. They quickly gathered their taste scientists and reconfigured their plain vodka flavor formula to have a bit of whip to it. The new flavor hit the shelves just this past month. Basically, the only difference between this whipped cream vodka and all of the others is its much fancier label. 


Typical Drinkers: Sorority women, children, fancy people, men who wear monocles. Leslie Knope adds it to her waffles, Ron Swanson secretly drinks it, my coworker Bide, men who use the toilet to pee instead of the urinal at bars.


User Comments:

“Top drawer, simply top drawer.”

“I’m all sorts of fancy drunk.”

“Gives, bring around my car, would you?”

“Who the fuck is Gives?”


Conclusion: It’s actually super-delicious. The only reason I gave it the minus in the "A-" is because it lacks originality. Come on, Smirnoff. Yes, you’ll make boatloads of money off the newly-discovered whipped cream money machine, but where’s your Manifest Destiny?


Mixer Center:

Sprite: A

Orange Juice: B+

With Me: Solid C+

Chased with Marshmallows: D (not a great chaser)

Straight Up: F, for Fantastic


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