Booze Review: Sobieski Vodka

 

Grade C-

 

Overview Since this week is Unofficial and since I launder money from The Black Sheep, we decided to review the cheapest alcohol available – Sobieski Vodka, flying in at $10 a handle. It’s cheap because it’s super Russian, and Russia is like the Mexico of Europe, only their women are sexier and willing to stuff themselves in mailboxes for up-and-coming American entrepreneurs whose names might rhyme with Fatish Moshi. In other words, drink this vodka and for some reason you might find yourself responding to russianplaydolls.ru.gov. (not a real website, not endorsed by theblacksheeponline.com, not bookmarked on writer’s computer).

 

History I can’t tell you why this vodka is intensely cheaper than all the other vodkas at Picadilly, including Burnett’s and Skol. I can tell you that this will be the perfect vodka to throw in your eggs on Friday morning. You throw Russian vodka into eggs, Russian vodka throw eggs into you. It probably has something to do with the illegal vodka problem currently plaguing Russia’s countryside (this is true), and nothing to do with the fact that I’ve been pouring all my leftover alcohol into glass bottles, dressing in fur, and re-selling the bottles as Russian vodka. Good deal, you see, I pay you, you pay me, we good friends, you and I! 10 American dollars bottle, tie envelope to pigeon, I bring more next week okay? Very much good opportunity! Chess mate!

 

 

Typical Drinkers International Fan Club for John Quincy Adams, Irina Shayk, Mikal Tizdal, Kermat the Sad Dragon, caddies, Residents of Gilman: City of Crossroads, Anoushka

 

User Comments

“This drink good for throat and body.”

“Cheap, so cheap for you, best price only for you.”

“What time did you get up today, bro?”
“Started drinking at 6AM, bro.”

 

Conclusion Here’s the deal. This week you are going to be dropping a pretty penny on booze, so save some cash and pick up this gem. You would be a fool to buy decent vodka only to puke it up later in the evening. Good deals only last so long (www.quaddeals.com), and you can’t miss this opportunity (www.freerussianbrides.ru.org), some things are too good to be true (www.picsofquinnsdicks.com).  So pick it up, drink it down, and puke it up an hour later.

 

Mixer Station

Coke – B

Sprite – B-

Lime Water – C

Tonic – D

Straight up – D-

Off your new bride’s butthole - F

 

 
 
 
 
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