Dissecting The Summer Fling

• Article by Shannon Ryan
• 
• |
• May 9, 2012
• Tweet

• TAGS:
• Minnesota

The summer fling is admired by most and attained by few. Its success lies in its precise coupling of humans who truly know how to rock the right amount of relationship: it’s fickle. Lucky for you, we’ve got the deets on what it really is, why it’s so phenomenal, and who you gotta be to make one work. 

Summer is the time of year for short shorts, Nair, sundresses, tanned bodies and melting minds. It’s the one season that you can still get away with a bullshit job (i.e. lifeguard) and people will still sleep with you. Summer’s greatest attribute, however, is its rendering of flings on flings on flings – rap about that, Kanye. 

Flings are, well, arguably one the best kind of relationships known to man for two reasons. 

1) Summer is located where the dreams of Pocahontas are: just around the riverbend.

2) Everyone is sexier in the summer. 

 A fling, to put simply and non-erotically, is sex without attachment. Yes, you read that correctly. No, that isn’t a typo. No, you don’t need glasses – stop that call to your optometrist. It does exist! It is also known as having “casual sex.” This kind of sex is top-notch because it offers you similar benefits that having “relationship sex” does, i.e. comfort, knowledge of your G-spot, acceptance of dirty talk, etc., sans emotional drama. Sign me up, please!

Now, if you are reading this and think, “Well, I’ve tried the whole casual sex thing, and it just doesn’t work…” please stop. It absolutely can work. YOU don’t work. You’re just too clingy, needy or emotionally unstable to handle a relationship focused on sex. Bottom line is a fling will not turn into marriage. It will inevitably terminate itself, which is a positive thing.

Four reasons why unavoidable termination is pleasant:

1) No chance of stag- five clinger potential.

2) You exit the relationship in an amicable settlement.

3) The uncomfortable DTR (define this relationship) discussion will never happen.

4) Allows for an award winning get-me-the-fuck-out-of-this excuse. I know babe, but it just wouldn’t be fair to either of us to keep this up; I’m only here for the summer. Genius!

Good, great, awesome. By now you’re all dreaming about the individual you wanna jump into this fling thing with, but stop right there! There are three very pertinent things you should keep in mind before choosing your summer bump-and-grind mate.

- If you choose a friend, you enter into a messy FWB situation which will turn out poorly. Search for a, “I live in Washington, but I’m interning with my aunt’s firm for the summer” type of person.

- For men, choose a woman of mediocre attractiveness. On one hand, extremely good-looking girls are generally serial daters, STD carriers, or already in a relationship. On the other hand, if you have to put a bag over the head of someone who has a great personality, the sex will be shit. Pick 6s or 7s.

- For women, choose a man who is obnoxiously pretty. Not having the "holy shit we connect on such a deep level" kind of personality is perfect for a fling. Stay away from average-looking gentlemen; he is the kind to snatch when looking for a relationship.

Well, there you have it: the basic overview of the wonder that is the summer fling. It’s anatomy is more detailed than one would assume, but once within one, it’s far less enigmatic than any other kind of relationship. Great sex? Check. No emotional ties? Check. Summer heat? Check. Body heat? Double check. Check yourself into a summer fling, stat. That is, if you can handle it.