Facing Failure (of our Sports Teams)

 

The West Virginia University football team started out having a great season: five straight wins, Geno was heading for Heisman, and a sold out stadium every game. After a rough stretch that saw the Mountaineers endure five straight losses, fans started to disappear. Not only are fans not watching our beloved Mountaineers play anymore, they’re making fun of the players. Facebook statuses say hurtful things like “Tavon’s new name is Buttercup because you build me up, Buttercup, just to let me down,” “We’re like that nice neighbor that moves in next door and brings YOU cookies” and “Our team sucks so badly that it makes watching a Honey Boo Boo marathon seem like a decent Friday night. We suck.”

   
Sadly, our basketball team is starting out just as poorly as the football is ending, losing their first game to Gonzaga.  One can hear students tear down the basketball team as well, saying, “Well, I thought I could get a break from our shitty football team losing but basketball is the same way” and “If Kilicli is our best player this year we’re in trouble.”

   
Students need to realize that once you’re a Mountaineer fan, you’re always a Mountaineer fan. Going to this school is kind of like being in the Mafia, only with more guns and more relatives. You’re nothing but a bandwagon fan if all you do is follow winning teams.


Does it strike you as entertaining to be a fan of a team like Alabama? Fans of perennial powerhouses get pissy when the teams they cheer for don’t have a large enough margin of victory. Imagine that super-rich kid you loathed growing up—the one that would go home and cry to daddy when his Transformer got dirt in the hinges—you hated his spoiled ass. Students pay too much money, spend too much time, and dedicate too much of their lives to this school. If you’re going to put so much effort into something, why would you walk away when things around Morgantown get a little rough?

   
We’re not even begging you to look on the bright side. Feel free to crack a joke about WVU to cover up the pain of losing. Go out and burn a couch to take out your frustration, but avoid being caught by the police with the match and beer in your hand. Find a fan from the other team and pummel their stupid face to make yourself feel better. Make a drinking game with other fans so that every time the other team gets a touchdown or basket, someone takes a shot. Even if we lose, at least you’ll be drunk.


Don’t give up on WVU. Have faith in what our teams are capable of. Just be a true and proud Mountaineer. No matter what way you decide to cope with the pain of a loss, realize that you’re still going to be drunk and in a trashcan on High Street before the weekend is up, anyway. 

 

 
 
 
 
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