Five Tell-Tale Signs That Your Roommate Is Batshit Insane
- Article by Kevin Wise
- April 26, 2013
Having nasty roommate experiences isn't alien to most people. In fact, according to Hobbes' “People Are Shit” theory, you've had one or will have one. However, it can be difficult determining whether or not your roommate is actually at fault. Maybe you're too uptight. Maybe you're the one causing the problems! Well, don't worry, dear reader, because The Black Sheep has your back. With this helpful guide, you'll be able to confirm that your roommate is indeed off-their-rocker bonkers.
5: He Washes All His Laundry by Hand
This symptom of crazy isn't necessarily the most damaging. You could say it's harmless, but then you'd be duped. Just think about it; what have they got to hide? Why do they use so much bleach? Is there a reason they don't trust washers and dryers? Maybe they're a luddite. That could be cool: rooming with a person that doesn’t believe in using machinery. Just don't bring up Tamagotchi around them. Really, don't bring anything up around them.
4: Talks Back to Her Television or Computer
You might do this. Stop doing this. It's understandable that your investment in some sort of series might cause you to be excited, but the people in the screen don't hear you. They're not real. Your words are as influential to the on- screen characters as the keytar was to modern music. And if your roommate is doing this, you should just find a corner to cower in until help comes. They obviously don't understand the concept of normal societal interaction, so your approach might cause them to babble incoherently before murdering you with the TV set.
3: He Adjusts All the Clocks in the Living Space Just to Test You
When your roommate is doing something like this, it really is something special. You shouldn't even be alarmed at this point, because you're already in hell. This doesn't just apply to clock tampering, however (although that would mean you're dealing with a true psychopath). It could be anything that they do in an attempt to catch you with your pants down. Like, filling the dishwasher with dishes, not running it and then confronting you for not running the dishwasher. Or maybe they'll continually use a copious amount of outlets and blame you for the high electric bill. You know what? By comparison, that clock thing isn't so bad. It’s still annoying though.
2: She Uses Your Stuff While Looking You Directly in the Eye
This might be one of the more common signs of crazy. Now, no one's saying that accidental usage of someone's property is deserving of insanity status; mistakes are made. It's when that person let's 'em know. When they need them to know. Born from some sort of superiority complex, this crazy roommate's desire to be the alpha in everything is definitely your cue to get out of there. Otherwise, they won't stop until they own your very existence. They will absorb all that makes you, you. They are a life succubus.
1: Obsessively Studies the Works of H.P. Lovecraft
There's nothing necessarily wrong with a good H.P. Lovecraft story. The man could write, but there's a limit. Posters of Cthulhu are past that level. Listening to Dream Theater's “The Dark Eternal Night” on repeat is past that limit. When your roommate is of the opinion that “Fishpeople” are an underrepresented demographic, it's about time you seriously started weighing your options.