Nickelodeon 90s Shows: The Curriculum of the Future

• Article by Staff
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• June 11, 2012
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• TAGS:
• Entertainment,
• Penn State,
• Kentucky,
• Michigan,
• College of Charleston,
• Florida,
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• Vanderbilt,
• West Virginia,
• North Carolina,
• South Carolina

Remember the days you learned all your lessons from television, way back before DVR and OnDemand? Good ol’ basic cable. For all you Nickelodeon kids out there, I think you understand just how important the network was in framing your entire future and preparing you for the challenges of life. Thus, I propose that UD needs to have a major, or at least a minor, dedicated to studying life through Nickelodeon 90s shows. And just to help out the administration, I have prepared potential course listings, and hopefully they get this process moving so I can start applying for the grad school program. 

BHAN 364: Accepting the Physical Challenge

Instructor: Marc Summers 

Description: Students will participate in mentally and physically grueling tasks. They are required to wear red and blue shirts and work as a team to answer trivia questions. They also will compete in obstacle courses that may involve grime, slime, and earwax. Participants will also learn the strategy and psychology of the “dare.” At the end of the semester, exceptional students will be sent to space camp. 

ENGL213: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Instructor: Not R.L. Stine

Description: Students interested in the literary horror genre will spend the semester as part of the Midnight Society. They will have the opportunity to learn about paranormal phenomena, such as, witches, aliens, and pinball wizards. Enrolled students will also learn the art of campfire storytelling, create midnight dust, and take a weekend camping trip to somewhere in Canada. 

BEWARE: not for the sensitive souls

FLLT323 (cross-listed with BHAN323): Cross-Cultural Mastery of the Aggro Crag 

Instructor: Mike O’Malley & Mo

Description: Students will have the opportunity to spill their global guts and participate in a hands-on language intensive program. The first half of the semester will be spent learning about the culture of athleticism and strength in various countries. The second half will be spent completing physical tasks, often involving wave pools, odd-shaped bicycles, and bungee cords. Students will represent a country in Olympic fashion, and stand-out students will be rewarded with a piece of the legendary Crag itself. 

HDFS410: Parenting Toddlers

Instructor: Tommy Pickles

Description: Students will learn about raising toddlers and understanding baby talk and childish imaginations. The professor will explain the methodology of raising groups of toddlers in a playpen. The class also touches on deviant parenting, including naming your kid Dil Pickles and allowing babies to use plastic screwdrivers to unlock play pens.

SOCI 373 (cross-listed with BAMS373): Topics in Urban Studies

Instructor: Arnold Shortman (who really knows his last name?) and Gerald Johanssen

Description:  Students will learn about urban communities, focusing specifically on youth problems and public education. They will use idealistic philosophies to analyze urban issues, including bullying, abusive love obsessions, and dysfunctional living situations. Students will perform in-depth case studies (including one on Stoop Kid) to learn how to solve problems by always doing the right thing. 

THEA227: Sketch Comedy and Performance

Instructor: Lori Beth Denberg

Description: Students will learn how to perform comedy acts, and the class will culminate with a performance in front of a live studio audience. Denberg will teach students how to deliver vital information and entertain mass audiences. Guest lecturers include Amanda Bynes, Kenan&Kel, and that guy Josh.

WOMS654: Understanding Teenage Girls

Instructor: Clarissa Darling

Description: This graduate level class delves deep into the mind of 13-19 year old girls and attempts to explain the long misunderstood female mind. Main topics include “understanding the elements of a crush,” “confronting sibling rivalry,” and “90s fashion trends.” The class also gives students a complete understanding of female hormones.

There you have it. And for you kids that weren’t allowed to watch Nickelodeon, this is your chance to make up for the one big mistake your parents made. So go ahead and get your life on track. Enrollment will begin immediately (as in, whenever the school finally tears down Rodney and builds high-tech buildings for scientists).