No One Needs Unamewsing Cat Videos


Do you secretly watch cat videos in your dorm room, hoping no one will discover that you’re not quite sane? Thanks to the upcoming Internet Cat Video Festival, you have the opportunity to be openly judged along with 4,999 other oddities.  

According to The Oakland Tribune:

More than 5,000 cat lovers are expected to descend on Oakland's Uptown district May 11, when the city hosts the Bay Area premiere of the Internet Cat Video Festival.

Eighty videos of cats doing what they do best -- being cute -- will be projected in high definition by a 15,000-lumen projector onto the Great Wall of Oakland, a giant 100-foot-by-100-foot wall on West Grand Avenue between Broadway and Valley Street.

We don’t understand why hordes of cat lovers will be descending upon Oakland, of all places, to watch cat videos. First of all, cats are not cute. They scratch your face when you attempt to call them cute. Second, we can access the videos without even leaving our cozy rooms. Look, we’re on Youtube right now watching a cat fall off a couch. And we didn’t even have to interact with any human beings.

At home, you can watch videos of the Nyan Cat annoying you for ten hours straight just because some idiot had too much free time to make such videos. And when the nyannyannyannyans finally drive you to the brink of insanity, you can always hit the paws button. At home, you can play with your own cat, which is much funnier than the cats in those videos. And within the privacy of your laptops and headphones, there’s no one to judge you for wasting time. If you attend the Cat Video Festival, there’s no question about it: you are wasting time.    

No one needs more cat videos that weren’t even funny in the first place. Also, we baffled by the lack of an Internet Sheep Video Festival. Sheep are far more entertaining than cats any day. 



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