Our Honest Cover Letter
- Written by Megan Walsh
- May 2, 2012
I don’t really want to give you my address because I’m not sure what kind of person you are but here’s the date:
April 20, 2012 – don’t assume anything, I was actually very sober when I wrote this.
Dear Sir (or Madam – because I believe that women can hold leadership positions but I’m also going to leave this line pretty vague. I did a brief scan of your website but let’s be serious…there’s no way in hell I’ll be able to know who’s actually going to read this),
Hello! Hi! Bonjour! Hola! (I’m very cultured…I went to France for like a weekend so, yeah.) I am inquiring about the Copywriter position that recently opened up at your office in Philadelphia. My unique combination of previous work experience and education at the University of Delaware in English as well as political science and advertising makes me a perfect candidate for this job!
I have had some great experiences over the past four years at UD that I feel could apply to this position. First of all, I can get by almost any class or work situation with very minimal effort! Seriously, I don’t think you’ll find this kind of efficiency in any of your other candidates. Like, this one time, I hadn’t gone to class in two weeks and I accidently woke up early one day and decided to actually go to the class and hey what d’ya know there was an exam! Can you BELIEVE it? I didn’t know there was an exam and there WAS one! LOLZ.
I also know how to take advantage of situations as they arrive. For example, I had an exam this morning but some friends stopped by the apartment last night and were like “Come ON Megan we’re going to the bars! They’re like right across the street from you! There’s no excuse!” and I was like “Yeah there is, I have an exam…” and then they were like “It’s your last semester! Take advantage of every going out opportunity!” and you know what? I DID.
Finally, over the past four years I have learned to be critical of myself but also keep in mind my positive attributes. I mean let’s face it…if you hire me (which you totally should!) I’m going to be late occasionally. Actually (because I’m an honest person), I’m going to be late a lot. But I come up with some very convincing excuses which perhaps you could steal and use at a later time. I’m definitely going to fall asleep at my desk but, you know, sometimes I talk in my sleep and it can be entertaining! I also hate working, but I love eating so I’ll bring a lot of snacks which maybe I can share if you’re lucky. I have great snacks. In addition, I’m a wonderful multitasker. I’ll constantly use my phone for non-work-related things but hey, I can talk and text at the same time!
Most importantly, this position would be mutually beneficial. I need a job and…did you not read the thing about all the snacks I’ll bring?
I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you to discuss my qualifications. If my background meets your needs, please get in touch with me anytime through email or phone call. Except please don’t try to find my Twitter. You won’t see anything you like, I promise. Oh, and don’t try to find my Tumblr either because my friends don’t even know about it so...let’s just say I don’t have one and move on. Actually, just text me.
Thank you for your time and consideration!