Parents Say The Darndest Things!
- Written by Brendan Bonham
- April 23, 2012
Parents—how adorable. Whether they’re obsessed with their iProduct du jour or try to chat you up about the latest episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you can’t help but appreciate how they still try to stay involved in your life. Still, few parents keep up with the ever-evolving musical landscape. With that in mind we decided to email our parents sample lyrics from recently popular songs just to see if they could figure out what was going on. Their unadulterated responses below.
Ke$ha - “Tik Tok”
And now the dudes are linin’ up cuz they hear we got swagger
But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
I'm talkin’ about errrbody gettin crunk
Boys tryn’a touch my junk
“This is about some girls thinking they’re hot, checking out the boys who aren’t and dissing the pretenders who are offenders.”
“Is swagger a new drink? Why does she have it on her and why is she with Mick Jagger? She has garbage that people want?”
“The guys are in a competition like American Idol, wanting to show off their stuff, but they won't be accepted unless they're a certain 'type' - a cookie cutter imitation of what is acceptable. They're all showing off, doing their best.”
“Guys are standing in front of a hot club in NYC because they hear celebs and models are hanging out there. But the girls want nothing to do with 'em unless they're jocks or loaded with dough. The chicks are there to party, boys want some action.”
Verdict: The parents do a good job identifying the strong pro-female message in the song, but are oblivious to Ke$ha’s general sluttiness. Having seen Ke$ha, this seems impossible.
LMFAO- “Party Rock Anthem”
See I'm a jock (huh) nonstop when we in the spot
Booty move weight like she owns the block
Where I drank I gots to know
Tight jeans, tattoos cause I'm rock and roll
Half black half white, domino, Gain the money Oprah Doe!
“I think this is about people of mixed ethnicity dancing for money.”
“The dude feeling like he has to prove himself. Drinking for courage, playing the part with the clothes, tattoos, etc. He’s trying to please all, white/black, (Oreo) black on the outside - white inside. The woman has money, and she’s using him.”
“It’s about a guy dancing with his gal but he likes to mix his music, rock and roll with a little hip hop sprinkled in.”
“He can focus and perform in a bad situation; she can move mountains with her powerful behind. Can't remember a thing about last night. Wearing tight jeans, etc. because they're searching for an identity.”
Verdict: Two schools of thought are evident here. First, there are two responses with vaguely racist undertones. Then, there are the older folk who know that this is a party song. They must have watched the Super Bowl this year.
Drake- “The Motto”
Wrist blang, got a condo up in Biscayne
Still getting brain from a thang, ain’t shit changed
How you feel? how you feel? how you feel?
Twenty five sittin’ on 25 mil uhh
I’m in the building and I’m feeling myself
Rest in peace Mac Dre, I’mma do it for the Bay, okay
“It’s about a dude in Miami with a hangover reminiscing about the old rapper Dr. Dre and counting his money.”
“This song is definitely about drug use.”
“Newly rich but feeling poor, with a condo in southern Florida, not knowing what to feel, sitting on $25 million in illegal money. All this - living in Biscayne Bay - but is it worth the diminished peace of mind?”
Verdict: “Still getting brain from a thang” threw off them older kids. Thank god. If they knew what that meant, we’d have to kill ourselves.
Owl City - "Fireflies"
'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread
The dude is in bed dreaming
“The song is about an animal living in the forest, right? I think an animal is teaching him how to dance in the woods.”
“This person is definitely dealing with some drug-induced hallucinations.”
“A thousand hugs from lightning bugs refers to blue haired ladies, they remember the foxtrot and sock hop. The disco ball is hanging from a thread means they also realize their best days have passed.”
Verdict: They’re all over the place with this one. Truthfully, we’re also confounded by this song. Lightning bugs don’t tend to reside under one’s bed, so we’re just assuming this guy fell ass-backwards into a catchy chorus.
Black Eyed Peas- “I Gotta Feeling”
Let's do it, let's do it, Let's do it,
Let's do it, and do it, and do it,
Let's live it up
And do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it,
Let's do it, Let's do it, Let's do it.
“This needs no explanation, it’s about sex.”
“Why is it all about sex? Do they talk about anything else?”
“It’s about good vibes and positive affirmations. “
Verdict: We tricked ‘em real good. We assume that our parents assume that everyone is talking about sex all the time these days. Our suspicions proved correct.
Waka Flocka Flame- “No Hands”
Blood want it flacka yea throw it fuck it I don't care.
“I have no clue what’s going on here.”
“I have no idea.”
Verdict: Neither do we.