Point Counterpoint: Ass vs Titties

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• June 4, 2012
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Ever since Betsy Ross knitted herself an American flag tube top and Daisy Dukes, trotted out in her red, white, and blue Daisy Dukes, man has been at war arguing over the fundamental question: Booty or boobs? Since Rottarboat has a doctorate in tittiology and McHoneyCombs has just watched three hours of BET, we decided they would be the best candidates to duke it out over which body part is best.

McHoneyCombs: Check it out, Rottarboat, tig ole bitties are fine and all, but you’re living in the past. The days of 80’s rock video vixens with DD’s has come and gone. Ever since rappers became popular, badonkadonks are the way to go. Shit, even white girls got back these days!

Rottarboat: While hip-hop culture has become much more prevalent in recent years, a sweet rack is a timeless classic. It doesn’t matter what decade you’re in, if you walk into the room with a girl that has awesome boobs, heads are guaranteed to be turned.

McHoneyCombs: Perhaps you’re not a connoisseur of the dance floor, but I have never seen a man grind his junk into the boobs of some random chick and have it be socially acceptable. But I can go out any given night and find multiple randos to dry hump on the dance floor and think nothing of it.

Rottarboat: Yes, you can go and find random girl who wants to grind her butt on your junk, but that doesn’t mean she’s interested in you sexually. Tits are a true barometer for your chances of getting laid. If you grab her breasts while dancing and she throws her drink on you, I’m afraid she’s not interested, my friend. If you grab them and she lets it happen, then you’re in for a fun night.

McHoneyCombs: Okay, so say you get this big-titted, yet flat-assed girl back to your place and get busy. Titties are fun but they’re more flash than substance in the sack. You can’t seriously motorboat a girl as more than just a joke; otherwise you’re kind of a creep. Furthermore, have you tried plowing a pancake-booty girl from behind? It’s like having sex with a wet hole in the wall.

Rottarboat: Thank you for providing a situation where the size of this body part affects sex. You are correct, doggy-style with no butt is no fun. So by your logic, having a poor ass limits what you can do sexually. Breast size doesn’t eliminate any sexual positions, and can help distract you from her ugly mug if she is facing you (why she would be facing you, I have no idea – doggy-style rules).

McHoneyCombs: Well Rottarboat, you bring up a good point, but once again the air conditioner booty triumphs. Women have very little control over their tits, so a voluptuous girl in the sack is just chaos. You’re risking shit getting knocked over and the unfortunate nipple eye-poke. On the flip side, I have seen girls who can control individual butt cheeks. You know what you get with a girl with that kind of control over her ass? The world, Chico, and everything in it.

Rottarboat: On the contrary, have you ever seen a girl that doesn’t have control of her ass? A lot of girls think that as long as they’re shaking it around, it’s sexy. It’s not. However, I have never seen a not sexy boob. Basic movement is all it takes to make boobs look sweet. Proper ass gyration requires years of study and discipline. Sadly, few females in today’s society are inclined to put in the effort to master this timeless art.

McHoneyCombs: I think you underestimate the popularity of just what a great ass can do. It can take a random person and thrust them into stardom. Just look at all the celebrities who are currently basing a career around their asses: Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj, and Jennifer Lopez just to name a few. Don’t underestimate its power. 

Rottarboat: While these celebrities are all known for their bodacious booties, none of them are known solely for their rocking asses. They also sing or make sex tapes, or both. Pamela Anderson, however, has made her entire career off of her knockers. Yes, she was on Baywatch, but no one remember her lines or character. People only remember the slow-motion jug shots.

Looks like you’re gonna be fine if you get either of these body parts and, dear readers, if you find a girl with both please send your pictures to spankbank@theblacksheep.com