Six Ways to Decorate Your Boobs for Mardi Gras Flashing
- Written by Carles Barkley
- February 17, 2012
With Mardi Gras practically here, along with it comes thousands of women flashing their boobs around town. It’s going to be important to make sure your hotcakes really stand out from the crowd. Sure, your nipples are a good size, and you’re rocking a nice 34C; however, those are a dime a dozen come this time of year. Some chick with AAs and areolas bigger than your head isn’t going to showing off her jiblees. You need to doll them up as much as possible to make an impression. Lucky for you, I have 36Ds with nips that point straight forward, so I know all the tricks.
Tiny Creatures: How hard would it be to find a tiny monkey for hire? That way when you unsnap your blouse to reveal your sweater muffins, you’ve got them coupled with a sweater monkey! You’ll be the talk of the town. Hell, maybe the little guy could even be in charge of bra retrieval. Or even an adorable and colorful gecko reminiscent of King Julien’s in Madagascar II would be just the right touch to an otherwise blank canvas.
Camelbak: So what are the real dangers of having a Camelbak surgically implanted into your wimpy little A-cups in order to give the good people of Mardi Gras some refreshing alcohol? It’s all in the name of SCIENCE, people! I’m sure the repercussions would be mostly harmless and temporary. You could offer beer on tap in one tit and other could offer some delicious jungle juice to show off your wild side.
Fruit Roll-Ups: What would be better than seeing bewbs? EATING THEM! No one is bound to forget the boobs that they got to suckle on and gnaw away at. You could get the fun variety of Fruit Roll-Ups with tattoos or one that has shapes that pop out to make it especially interesting for the folks. Plus Fruit Roll-Ups are the absolute best material to decorate your fun bags in – to add some more amusement to the show, keep using Gushers to replace the tips of your nips and have your friends enjoy the arrangement by nipping them off.
Optical Illusions: You could offer a more entertaining side to you hooters by drawing on several puzzles and tricks for the eyes to ogle whilst you display your prominent rack to the world. Even further, it might be fun to include a word search or sudoku, if your tatas are large enough to display such an elaborate brainteaser. This way the more sophisticated minds get to maintain some pride and dignity in attending such a barbaric festival.
Scratch-N-Sniff: Remember how awesome those sheets of paper were back in elementary school or those markers that had certain scents tied to each different color? Those didn’t just get any less awesome over the past few years. I say you go out and buy a giant pack of whatever those scratch and sniff buggers were made of and somehow apply those suckers to your bosoms.
Googly Eyes: No, I don’t mean that people can use your honkers as a popular search engine. I mean those funny eyes that kids glue on arts and crafts projects because the pupils wobble around. This is especially a bonus if your nipples have Paris Hilton syndrome and tend to look in opposite directions. It’s always been a dream of mine to sport googly eyes upon my niblets, so that while I’m hooking up with a man that he might take off my shirt to discover a rather interesting surprise. I know in my heart that the only way I will be able to find my one true love is when he meets my googly-eyed boobies, he will lift his shirt to show me that he too has googly-eyed nipples. Then we will have an everlasting love bound by our passion for the googled optometry.
Now go. Go, my little flash-happy minions and go all Gallagher with your melons! Also, feel free to have a little fun trying to find how many different words were used to talk about God’s greatest gift to the world, boobs.