Study Guide: Spring 2011

 

It’s been four months of beer-guzzling, bad choices, late night Mennas, and innumerable failed attempts at studying. And now, as finals loom in the next week, you have two simple options to attend to.

 

1.     Study for finals

2.     Don’t study for finals

 

Though I’m sure you have big plans to study for your finals, I’m here to help. And besides, study tips and inspirational songs are also included.

 

Anatomy/Biology: You’ve spent your entire life confused by the opposite sex, and somehow you were thrust into a class that hasn’t really cleared anything up. As we all learned in elementary school, “hands on” is the best way to learn. So pick up your best biddy (or maybe the least knowledgeable person in the class, but the most likely to mess around with you) and make your professor proud that you know where reproductive organs are located. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k

 

Business: You try to study, you really do. No one will say otherwise. But then there’s the fact that you’ve spent the last 4 hours at the library Stumbling instead of studying. But don’t give up! That’s why they have Adderall! Though despite your steady stash, you’ve run out at an untimely moment, forcing you to return to your dealer. What!? He has a limited supply because its finals week and everyone else wants some too? And the price went up? Jeez. It’s like he knows that a low supply equates to a higher price allowing him to make a ton of money based on your lack of preparedness.  Oh, hellz yes, it's all starting to make sense! That’s capitalism FTW. Now, take your life lessons and prepare for that 4.0.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di60NYGu03Y

 

Chemistry: You’ve picked up your Adderall you were going to use to study for business, but then it just happens to be 11 hours till your chem final, and you realize you haven’t been to a single class all semester. (Understandable, 8am on a Friday is too much for anyone). So you know what you do? You take that Addy! Pretty soon you’ll feel the effects of 9 Carbons, 12 Hydrogens, and just a smidge of Nitrogen. There’s nothing like first-hand experience of chemical compounds to help you study....

 

…or spend the next 11 hours fixated on Breaking Bad. But it’s about science. So it’s cool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GuJKEdghX0

 

Communications:

1.     Pick up duck-tape and a couple 40s of OE.

2.     Make sure to take your shoes off.

3.     Watch The Wickerman as a 40-hands movie watch along.

4.     …wait, what were you supposed to be doing?

 

Geography: Well, this should be an easy one. Living in Michigan and taking geography of Michigan gives you a distinct advantage. Your hand is literally a carbon-copy map. So make sure to draw the county boundaries and pretend it’s a bad-ass tat if your professor asks. Oh what? You’re taking Regional Geomorphology of the US? Ha! You’re screwed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk3u10gcSog

 

Math: Honestly, there’s really nothing you can do to not fail. So instead distract yourself from that morbid thought by watching this video. Pi never sounded so good.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504784_162-20040719-10391705.html

 

Political Science: All you need is to memorize this handy little guide – bonus is you conveniently colored it like the American flag – to help you study.

 

Democrat:

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty, and give your neighbor some of your cow’s milk.

You get upset you have no milk and ask for government help.

 

Republican:

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You drink the sweet, sweet milk and watch your neighbor’s struggle.

 

Socialist:

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

The government takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbor.

Your neighbor has two chickens.

You have none.

The government takes one of his chickens and gives it to you.

WTF! That's not a fair trade!

 

Communist:

You have two cows.

You are probably the leader of this country.


 

 
 
 
 
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