The “Am I Really a Bro?” Bro Questionnaire

• Article by UMN Staff
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• April 13, 2012
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Worried that you're a bro? Potentially excited? Wanna kick some nerd's ass? Take our handy quiz and see where you fall on the bro spectrum

1) Have you ever worn a visor upside down and backwards?

2) Do you substitute the word “bro” for other nouns? (Think “bro Montana” or “bro Mauer”)

3) Do your interests on Facebook include any of the following:

- Making Money

- Partying

- Lifting Weights

- Sublime

Note: If you have all of the above four in your profile, then no need to continue this questionnaire. Yes, you really are a bro.

4) Do most people walk away when you are mid-sentence?

5) Is it common for you to “like” your own Facebook status?

6) Do you go out with the intention of “getting it in?”

7) Are you an avid practitioner of the “puke and rally” mode of life?

8) Do the majority of humans rightfully assume you are a dumbass?

9) Do you wake up most mornings and drink a protein shake?

10) Are you a member of a men’s volleyball league?

11) Is it common for you and your buddies to be Eskimo brothers?

12) Do you mention the sports you played in high school in most conversations?

13) Do you have a “quantity over quality” mindset when it comes to boning?

14) Do you appear farcical to most?

15) Did you have to look up the word farcical before answering the above question?

16) Is the concept of having just one alcoholic beverage foreign to you?

17) Do you believe Muscle Milk is actually healthy for you?

18) Do you have over 1,200 Facebook friends?

19) Do you only start text conversations with females post midnight?

20) Would you say most women consider you a predator?

All right folks, it is time to add up those check marks and answer yes or no to the status of bro. If you answered yes to ten or more of the above questions, then congratulations to you! You can officially deem yourself a bro! Let the results sink sweetly into that overly tanned skin of yours, and soak up the pros and cons list below.

PROS:

- You are relatively good looking.

- It’s acceptable for you to day-drink, every day.

- You a myriad of fuck buddies.

- It’s suitable for you to do absolutely nothing within group projects, because no one assumes you will – yay!

CONS:

- Most people think you are dumb as shit.

- Due to the amount of liquor you consume, your “hot body” will fade fast.

- You don’t understand things that are really funny, for example Arrested Development.

- Your life stops being funny when you’re an idiot dad.

The status of a bro is strived for by some, and loathed by others. Chances are you won’t be able to pledge a fraternity without it, but if hipster is more your style, then they will most definitely not accept your new status. If you are looking to reverse your bro status, you simply must do the opposite of every question you answered yes to. It sounds easy, but takes maturity and self-discipline. Therefore, I recommend you embrace your inner bro, put on a backwards visor, drink your sorrows away, and call up one of your many friends with benefits.