The Black Sheep Dictionary

Article by Alex Everard
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March 28, 2012
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There are some nights that are simply too fun to describe with boring, Webster words. Likewise, there are some things too unspeakably heinous to describe with standard vernacular. There are some people too stupid or otherwise unpleasant to belittle with basic curse words. For these moments in your collegiate life, look no further than The Black Sheep Dictionary. Edited with a magic marker, scrawled upon the backs of a pizza box and first published two days ago, it’s the modern student’s go-to handbook for relatable vocabulary.

Jrunk (adjective): A modified version of “drunk,” the level of intoxication one unit above “white girl wasted.” Used to express the highest level of intoxication in the sorority community.

I had like, a billion shots at Rick’s. I’m so jrunk right now, guys. Can we get Menna’s?

Productive Skipping (verb): The act of skipping class on the day of a quiz or test one is unprepared for with hopes that increased study time will lead to a high score on the make-up.

My productive skipping of IAH turned into me going to the Dairy Store for ice cream. Alone.

Nojob (noun): Oral sex lacking in quality and pleasure due to improper technique or intoxication, generally unpleasant and resulting in cancelation of said act.

Man, last night was brutal—that girl I met out tried to give me head, but it turned out to be a nojob all because of that last Red Headed Slut shot.

TomTom (noun): Similar in nature to a nojob, but for the female anatomy; a noun describing the lackluster giver.

Your friend was a total dud in bed. He tried going down on me, but he was so lost down there he needed a fucking GPS. Total TomTom.

Blank Chat (verb): To converse with a past acquaintance without knowing said person’s name. Blank Chats usually last up to five minutes, but can sometimes exceed the half-hour margin. (See: Quick Sand Dan).

Man, I had the most uncomfortable Blank Chat with that guy who took me to Qdoba’s $3.99 burrito Wednesday for our first date while we were waiting to talk to our advisors. He smelled like ground beef so badly I couldn’t remember his name.

Quick Sand Dan(ielle) (noun): An acquaintance with which one has no interest in speaking with, yet can pull people around him/her into conversation with little intention to have a swift exchange.

Tina, you need to save me— I’m stuck at Harper’s with Quick Sand Dan. The harder I try to get out, the more drinks he buys.

Izzoning (verb): To dominate or otherwise reign victorious over any and all rivals in a game or competition of wit, intelligence, strategy or alcohol tolerance (while screaming and jumping up and down simultaneously with at least one hundred other people).

Izzoning reaches a new high after the Michigan State Spartans were chosen as the number one seed.

Threshold (noun): The feeling an individual experiences when reaching the peak of inebriation. The threshold can occur due to alcohol or a mixture of intoxicants; known in the 90s as “the spins.”

Whoa, brah, think I just hit the threshold with that last bong rip.

Sleeping Dragon (verb): The art of falling asleep whilst having intercourse.

Dude, don’t even try with those hippie chicks. I tried getting with this girl like, four different times, but all that weed made her a real master of the Sleeping Dragon.

McBitchin’ (noun): The combination of a McChicken and a McDouble.

Bro, it’s open 24 hours, let’s just go get a McBitchin’ and go to bed. Dibs on the top bunk.

McPussy (noun): The combination of a McChicken and a Filet-O-Fish.

Girl, you know they’re still open. Let’s go get McPussies and eat them in our underwear.

This is just an excerpt of the volumes upon volumes of vocabulary genius that The Black Sheep dictionary holds. The good news is: You can own your own copy today for just three easy payments of $19.95. Or two cases of beer.

Still fittin' to get some more word knowledge? Check out our Black Sheep Dictionary Part 2!