The Black Sheep Interviews: Cool Whip

 

When you think of Kalamazoo and its celebrities only a few names come quickly to mind, the first big name is Matt Giraud from American Idol who works downtown at Monaco Bay. The second isn’t known to the world (yet), but is famous among those of us living in the Zoo, Boom Box Ronnie! Well, these days he likes to be called Cool Whip. Same guy, different name.

 

I had the opportunity to sit down with Cool Whip this past weekend at one of his local haunts, The Strutt Café and Bar. When I walked up he was outside on the corner doing his rap yells dressed in one of his signature costumes, legendary hero Captain America, a fitting costume for this local celebrity.

 

The Black Sheep: Ok Boom Box, what made you change your name to Cool Whip?

 

Cool Whip: I changed it from Boom Box to Cool Whip ‘cause it’s cool and polite just like I am and I’m always ready to get approached and show off my raps!

 

TBS: You’re quite the local celebrity, what would you do to Kalamazoo to make it a better place?

 

Cool Whip: I would make it more like me, this place needs more people like me, keep rolling, keep smoking weed, keep safe and stay smooth like a butterflies  swagga swag!

 

TBS: When you’re not out in front of the Strutt promoting bands where are you most of the time?

 

 Cool Whip: Well I'm either rollin them blunts at my place or I'm working down at the MRC doing my janitorial work, pickin up garbage, moppin them floors or I'm roofin with my uncle on good days.

 

TBS: Change of topic now, how do you feel about Obama?

 

Cool Whip: Obama is the best damn president we’ve had; he's the first mixed black man in office so he’s like Jesus. Let’s get a female up in there like Rihanna or Martha Stewart. We need a lady president but the whole country wants a white president so I say let’s get a Chinese president cha-cha-cha orange chicken and blunts and go with all that ching chang chong lets hit that bong shit!  Get a Mexican and wrap that ass up like a taco! It’s good to go. I got the munchies!

 

TBS: Who's your favorite musician out there these days?

 

Cool Whip: Shit, I love Lil Wayne; he makes me want to get adopted to him so bad. His music just makes me happy, it’s like that “wax on wax off” shit, it’s smooth like a car wash! I’m like so much swag, just like so many rain drops, you can’t count them!

 

TBS: Every time we see you it’s either in a costume or you’re going around shirtless, where do you get these costumes and why do you always wear them?

 

Cool Whip: I got Captain America up at a thrift shop in Mattawan for cheap and my Spongebob costume I got off Ebay for $65. I wear them so that I can get famous and maybe show up in the new Captain America movie coming out in a few years.

 

TBS: What’s a typical day for you?

 

Cool Whip: Shit I love all them seasons. I love snow, I walk around without my shirt on. People be like, “you gonna get your arm amputated!” but I’m like, “Shit,I got Medicaid!” I can sew my arms back up like a rag doll. But I love summer and going to the beach cause I love them girls, making my heart melt. I love their dimples, not their G-string, keep it PG! No R. Kelly!

 

TBS: How long have you been in Kalamazoo?

 

Cool Whip: I moved here about six years ago when I was 18 to help take care of my grandma, stuck around and now love it here.

 

TBS: How do you feel about your fans?

 

Cool Whip: I love em, keep supporting me I wear these costumes with no grimy-ass bullshit and I keep growing like that beanstalk and one day I’ll be at the top, high as the clouds!

 

TBS: Alright Cool Whip do you have anything you want to say to the readers?

 

Cool Whip: Condoms are cheaper than baby diapers and keep an eye out for me when I get famous ‘cause I'm changing my name again to 101 Dalmatians!

 

Cool Whip is always out around the Strutt every Tuesday evening promoting local bands, so next time you’re driving around toward downtown keep an eye out for this local celebrity. Who knows maybe you’ll catch him performing one of his signature rap yells!

 

(Editor’s Note: Seriously, we didn’t make up any of this interview.)

 

 
 
 
 
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