The Black Sheep Reviews Not the Cosbys: A XXX Parody

 

I recently decided that maybe I could negate the devastating feelings of shame and guilt that accompany my typical porn experiences (usually in a TV booth at the Undergrad) by watching something that gives me good feelings both emotionally and physically. Some of you might say “most people fulfill those feelings with other humans,” but I simply don’t understand your judgement and therefore won't respond to it. However, I recently flew too close to the sun as I discovered the Cosby porn parody. The more I watched it, the more I could feel my seven-year-old self curl into a ball and attempt to suffocate himself with his tears and confusion. 

So if your innocence is a salad, prepare to have it tossed. To start, Thomas Ward, the guy who plays Cliff Huxtable, is really, really good at his impersonation. Although he doesn’t have sex, it still adds that level of creepiness as he looks and talks just like Cosby while making weird sex jokes. The main plot goes something like this: Denise (the oldest sister) feels that it is time to lose her virginity because she’s going to college and all her girlfriends are “addicted to sex.” Obviously, ole Dr. Huxtable doesn’t like any of this, and he and Claire try to keep the household under control as all the kids go off having lots and lots of sex.

Eventually Denise’s boyfriend gets tired of waiting for her and goes to a CrAzY SeX PaRtY where he gets all sorts of hj’s, bj’s and tounge-to-butthole action. Denise gets pissed because she wanted to lose her virginity, and have her butt licked by her boyfriend. This all leads to, and I quote from the website’s synopsis, “an explosion of non-stop pussy eating, cock-sucking & hardcore fucking.” Good job, www.sitcums.com, if I hadn’t read about the explosion of cock-sucking to occur in this movie, I may have passed. I may have just though this was a regular Cosby Parody, and not one that involved Theo banging the bejesus out of multiple women. 

To make sure this fine film remains a parody and not just a video of people having sex, the moviemakers throw Theo (Tyler Knight, whom this fine paper interviewed) and “Cockroach” (Tee Reel) in as they find out about the crazy sex party. For some reason they had Knicks tickets, but they give them up in order to go crash Denise’s friend’s crazy sex party. Instead of making funny noises and offering advice about being a good person and loving life, Cliff merely looms in the background as all his kids are off f’ing or getting f’ed.

And I know you’ve been wondering, but none of the kids have sex with each other. Apparently you can spread a butthole on camera, but having two “siblings” bang each other is crossing the line. It’s starting to sound like I wanted that to happen, but I didn’t, I’m just saying people have weird boundaries – especially when Rudy gets naked, even though in the show she is like, ten.  

In any case, these long-form porn videos are really hard to get through. Seriously, I just wanted it to be over (after the first sex scene ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’). I think, if I were in the porn industry, they should just start running porn parody shows. If you could make fast production, you could literally parody a show episode for episode. So for example, last week in The Office, Michael hosted the Dundees with Deangelo Vickers, and everyone sings to Michael in the conference room.

Okay, so make the Dundees a sex competition and turn the singing part into an orgy. Scripted. And then we could even have porn parody commercials! “Why don’t you drink a real beer?” “Why don’t you take that beer tap and…” It’s so easy, and no one would have to sit through 70 minutes of terrible acting if each episode were like 17minutes of raunchy boning, and 8 minutes of plot development (that would be copied from the real show anyway). But in the meantime, go watch Not The Cosby Show XXX Porn Parody, and let your inner child die a sad, lonely death in the murky gutters of your Cosby porn contaminated adult brain. 

 

 
 
 
 
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