The Code Ain't All It's Cracked Up to Be!
- Written by Jillian Mandell
- November 30, 2011
Most of you have probably seen the shot glasses or t-shirts that sport the phrase “Dry Campus- My Ass” scattered throughout different stores on Kirkwood. Well, did you know that Indiana University actually is a dry campus? 3rd Street to Fee Lane and errrrwhere in between it is supposed to be dryer than Mother Theresa’s corpse vag. Every time you gulp down that cold Karkov or take a swig out of your Natty Light, you are willfully violating the Code of Student Rights, Responsibilities, and Conduct. Don’t know what that is? Of course not. You probably had one of those large blue books shoved your way amidst the stress of moving in freshman year and saying "bye bye" to mom and dad. You intentionally stashed that rulebook somewhere far back in a drawer never to be seen by the light of day again. I decided to take the liberty to actually read The Code to fill you in on what IU really expects of us.
There are many sections to this code that aim to prevent any of the following: Falsely accusing the table of Asians as being terrorists in Wells, hacking into our teacher’s On- Course Account to change a D to an A, sprinting through the arboretum naked, running a black market for illegal weapons in your dorm room, or being on either end of fellatio in the stadium. The longest section of The Code- by a long shot- is the one pertaining to the consumption of alcohol. It can specifically be found in Part II: Student Responsibilities under Section H, statute number 22.
Indiana University prohibits:
1. Public intoxication, use, or possession of alcoholic beverages on university property (including any undergraduate residence supervised by the university, including fraternity and sorority houses) except as otherwise noted in Part II, Section H (22) b and Part II, Section H (22) c.
2. Providing alcohol contrary to law.
The above is a minuscule excerpt from the forgotten blue book you threw away. It’s quite clear that alcohol is foe not friend, and should not be near any of your grimy hands. Whoever created this humorous creed is either in extreme denial or more oblivious than a third grader watching SNL. Not only do we disobey these rules, we run from them like wildfire. Maybe IU should be a little less concerned with our beverage of choice (be it milk or Jack Daniel’s), and focus more on the multiple violent crimes that took place just this year alone.
Dry campuses are dumb, and although many of you probably didn’t even know you lived on one, IU would ultimately become a happier place without this rule. “ Be responsible for their behavior, and respect the rights and dignity of others both within and outside of the university community” is the moral The Code is trying to enforce. I know each and every one of you strays away from at least one of the rules listed in The Code and the world hasn’t stopped turning yet.
Some say rules were made to be broken, but what is the point of these rules if not a single person respects them? It’s more important that we as Hoosiers respect the traditions and rituals that those before us fathered (many of these activities just happen to go hand-in-hand with some brew). Now you know what this fine institution thinks this campus is all about however, it’s up to you to carry on the real legacy of IU.