The Collaborative Efforts of Rebecca Black and Carly Rae Jepsen

 
 

Iowa State students have not been able to socialize anywhere without hearing “Call Me Maybe.” It’s the first song suggested by partygoers, both male and female, and the song receives a record-breaking 587% liking rating. 

 

We asked Carly Rae Jepsen what she thought of her overnight success. “I’m thinking of recording another song soon maybe. And I think it will be just as well received by my audience maybe. I don’t want to rush into anything, but I’m excited about becoming a pop star maybe.”

 

Jepsen has put pop music listeners everywhere at a standstill. It was almost exactly a year ago that Rebecca Black unleashed her one-hit (thank God) wonder and left the Cyclone community without an answer to the eternal question: which seat should we take? Sources confirm that Black teamed up with new artist Carly Rae Jepsen in order to reinstate the havoc she once wreaked.

 

Black reported that she let Jepsen in on all the tricks of the trade. Her advice calling for extreme repetition, elementary lyrics, and an undeniably catchy beat helped make Jepsen’s song the phenomenon it is today. 

 

“It’s also important to make a super awesome music video,” said Black. “Without a visual, people wouldn’t be able to see what ‘Friday’ really is all about. There’s so much depth to the song, and I really wanted to portray that in my $58 music video.”

 

Jepsen took this advice and also made her own music video. Here’s what happens: Jepsen creeps out of her window, watching some tatted-up skinny guy mow her lawn. She starts washing a car to get his attention. (Don’t worry, the suds and wife-beater attire are meant to detract from her 13-year-old appearance and make her look like a sex kitten, therefore making it okay for her to pounce on aforementioned Mr. Tats.) The she sings in a garage for a while, proving that she’s super punk rock. But by the end of the video, we find that skinny guy is gay. Poor Carly Rae. The end. 

 

Black has taken Jepsen’s success without any hard feelings. She said she doesn’t feel like she’ll never write again, like many people presume. “I’m really happy for Carly,” said Black. “Plus, I have six more potential songs to write. People are waiting in anticipation to know what day comes after Friday.”

 

Nonetheless, we’re starting to find that bad things happen when you combine alcohol and mediocre music. Whether it was a goal of hers or not, Jepsen’s listeners are now in another state of confusion, wondering if they’ll ever receive a call from the person they gave their number to last weekend. Students across campus are claiming that Jepsen’s song gave them the confidence to walk up to attractive people, admit their craziness, and ask them to call (maybe). The number of sleepless nights has skyrocketed since the release of the single. One student, who chose to remain anonymous, said, “I haven’t slept in nine days. I shouldn’t be so anxious about it. I mean, I did say call me maybe. And there’s definitely some gray area there.”

 

“It’s an epidemic,” said some students, to which Black offered her reply, “But does it need a cure?” If Rebecca Black (or Jepsen for that matter) is the cure, I will take death instead. Maybe.

 

 
 
 
 

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WORD  -  of  -  THE WEEK

WORD

Whoronation

Definition

The first time a woman is called a derogatory name by a male because she would not put out.

Sentence

“Lindsey received her whoronation when Seth called her a skank for not giving him head in the bar bathroom.”