Top 10: Reasons to Dump Him

 

Everyone has some sort of reason for dumping their fella. Whether it is his heinous body odor or his taste in anniversary gifts (leather whip, anyone?), we all have our reasons. If you find yourself questioning why you are still with this questionable man and your mind comes up blank, you probably should end it quick.

 

10) Boredom You have been dating for a few months now and suddenly find yourself falling asleep at the sound of his voice, and not in a sweet way. His voice is not a lullaby—it is more of a sleeping pill. It knocks you out cold because you are simply too exhausted to fake interest in his day filled with Madden and beer.

 

9) Bad gifts This section is devoted to the more shallow girls. Some women find their man’s taste in jewelry or—God forbid—small appliances (it happens…) to be less than satisfactory. If he repeatedly buys you S&M-esque gifts and you are the missionary type, the gift chemistry just might not be there. 

 

8) Mama’s boy Being a mama's boy is kind of a cliché reason to dump someone but it can be serious issue. If he calls his mother every night, while lying in bed with you, he crosses the mama’s boy line. Don’t feel guilty for dumping the mother-loving-fucker.

 

7) Clinginess You are his number one priority, over his parents, over his friends, over his job, and over your sanity. When you plan a girls night with a bottle of wine and chick flicks, he asks what time he should arrive. Missing one night with you is just too difficult, and so his apparent lack of ability to grow a pair.

 

6) Hygiene He only finds the need to shower every four days or after a sweaty workout. He doesn’t understand your disapproval of his sticky hugs or post-workout sweaty, slippery sex. The only way you are ever able to make him shower is when you volunteer to join him. You dump him because you miss showering alone and miss not having to take care of a 22-year-old baby.

 

5) Bad sex You may have become the couple with too much of a sex routine and are growing bored, and a threesome isn't exactly next on your list. Or you may have simply grown apart, making your eyes wander and sex awkward. Or you may have recently discovered his love of S&M. There isn’t much you can do to undo the bad memories of several bad times because, hey, you only live once.

 

4) Thievery This can range from a guy who is constantly “borrowing” money from you to cover the pizza to a guy who steals money from your piggy bank to support his crack habit. You can’t afford to have him draining your wallet or your spirits, and you know better than dating a crack addict. 

 

3) Excessive Drinking Almost everyone has a drink now and then at parties and such, and most of us can handle having a few more than one. Does he fills his Brita bottle with a screwdriver instead of orange juice and head off to a Monday morning class? First of all, suggest he goes to an AA meeting. Second, break it off before he vomits all over your bathroom floor.

 

2) Smoker His mouth tastes like an ashtray every hour of the day. You have inhaled enough second hand smoke to cause your own set of broken lungs. Your entire wardrobe reeks of smoke and your parents are starting to question whether or not it is really just your boyfriend’s scent. And, no matter how many times you tell him, he doesn't look cool standing on the porch with a cig in one hand and his junk in the other.

 

1) Cheater So you thought you saw him mackin with a chick at a party last night but you were really drunk. But the following week you thought you saw him mackin with your sorority sister. When the news finally travels through the sorority grapevine, you can’t deny that the man deserves a beer poured in his lap.

 

If any of these sound like your current fella, take my advice, save your lungs and pour a beer down the schmuck’s jeans.

 

 
 
 
 
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