Top 10 Reasons Why We College Students Shouldn’t be Considered Smarter than Our Non-educated Counterparts
- Article by Diego Salazar
- February 6, 2013
Even though we carry fancy things like calculators and use fancy words like syllabus, schedule, or ENC1101, we college students are not smart, we just pretend we are. So it’s time to uncover the truth with these Top 10 reasons why we college students shouldn’t be considered smarter than our non-educated counterparts.
10.) We honestly believe we’re going to land a good job as soon as we graduate: Our whole lives we’ve been told we need a college education to get a job, and we believed that. Big mistake. Like the tooth fairy, conveniently cropped cute profile pictures, and the existence of attractive lesbian couples, the idea that we need a degree to get a good job is nothing but a big, fat, hairy, real-lesbian-looking, lie. All those billionaires who dropped college can’t be wrong.
9.) We almost fail a class every semester: Most of us are not college athletes, so we have to actually study to get our diplomas. And by study I mean procrastinate and then struggle at the end of the semester to get that magnificent looking C.
8.) We don’t know what we are doing with our lives: Going through college is like building an Ikea desk or losing your virginity. You have the tools, and you kind of have an idea of where everything goes and what you have to do to, but even when you finally do it, and you’re done, you end up being unsure if you did it right, or if it’s all over, because you never knew what you were doing in the first place.
7.) We are always broke: Like the soon-to-be-extinct pubic lice, we leech on our parents co-signed credit card to survive. (This might not make much sense but it’s funny when you consider that pubic lice are dying because of lack of pubic hair and our parents probably still have a hairy lice apartment complex down there).
6.) We are addicted to something: Be it porn, alcohol, coffee, ramen noodles, or reddit, there’s always something we are hooked on to and we can’t live a day without. But thank goodness, it’s not crack cocaine. No joke. Never do crack cocaine, ever. Even once is too much. Crack cocaine hurts you and everyone around you. If you or a loved one are hooked on cracked cocaine, call for help. Don’t be afraid, someone can help you.
5.) We follow the herd: Have you ever heard the saying: There’s nothing less smart than a sheep? No? Well, that makes sense because I just made it up to support my point. We all have MacBooks, Ed Hardy shirts, and cute winter boots, and we all get drunk, dance the wobble, and watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Why? Because everyone else is doing it and we don’t have the brains to think differently.
4.) We need to get Tutoring Zone for every class with a 3000 level or higher: Not only do we pay thousands in tuition for professors to teach us stuff, but also we pay hundreds more for tutors and notes to teach us that same stuff again so we can maybe pass an exam. The worst thing is, as soon as we are done with the exam, we forget everything we learned. If only forgetting about your middle school years was that easy.
3.) We buy new textbooks from the school’s bookstore: Buying new textbooks is like paying for a grade-A prostitute. It’s really expensive, you’ll only use it for an hour, and you would have ended up being better off if you had gone with an older, used version instead. Still, we keep doing it, every couple of months.
2.) Fraternities and sororities: Why else do you think Greece’s economy has been suffering so much? It’s no coincidence, frats and sororities ruined the European country with their never-ending parties, duck faces, and unisexaully colored tank tops, getting Greece into a public debt of 170.6% of its nominal GDP in 2011.
1.) Freshmen: With their campus maps, long white socks, college apparel, and wishful smiles, there’s nothing more stupid or annoying than your typical freshman. After all, someone has to be pretty damn stupid to live in a dorm, let their advisor pick their classes without checking ratemyprofessor.com, and get a meal plan. Because of this, there should be special schools just for freshmen, they should live in their own neighborhoods, and they should ride on the back of the bus. We wouldn’t want their kind mixing up with ours.