Top 10: Stupid Things People Do Consistently


All but the most dazzling members of mankind slip up once in a while. I mean, come on, we’re just human, right? So if someone accidently mispronounces your inherently strange name, doesn’t understand the rules of Twister: the Hot Spot, or gets lightly tapped by a moving vehicle every now and again, that’s totally understandable. These lapses in intelligence are necessary parts of how we adapt and grow as a species.


On the flip side of these innocuous whoopsie-dasies are the relentlessly unforgiving acts of stupidity seen in day-to-day college life, which have reduced humans to nothing more than repeat offenders in a world of “check out this motha-fucka” nonsense. These are the people who...


10) Never have an umbrella or rain gear

Okay, if it’s a freak rainstorm. But other than that? Wake up, check the forecast, look at the sky, and if it’s raining, take an umbrella along. Common Excuse: “I don’t have an umbrella.” Really? Seriously? You’re how old and don’t own a five dollar necessity? 


9) Always need to borrow a pen

Everyone knows this fool, because it is University mandated that in at least one of your classes per semester you will sit next to the one person who never, ever, ever realizes that he or she might need a pen at some point during their academic day.


8) Are surprised at being hung-over

If you go shot for shot with your bff, who’s also a hardy woodsman weighing in at a robust 250 pounds of solid muscle and you’re 5’2’’ of average build, you will not be full of your usual pep the next morning. Please don’t act surprised or enraged when you vomit continuously for four and a half hours.


7) Form the shoulder-circle wall of impenetrability

You might be thinking, “Now what is a shoulder-circle wall of impenetrability? I have no idea what that’s all about.” But you do. If you’ve ever been anywhere social at night where girls are, you know exactly what the shoulder-circle wall of impenetrability, or SCWI, is. And you hate it. The SCWI is a phenomenon of architecture found in bars across the Corner. It’s when a circle of girls stands right in the middle of the most convenient route to either the bar or bathroom and are locked together tightly shoulder to shoulder to prevent any unmentionables from intruding upon their oh-so sacred fertility ritual.


Interestingly enough, these antisocial, impenetrable and, let’s face it, often off-putting females are almost always the same ones that complain they hate going out because it’s impossible to meet new people.


6.5) Ask for the answer to a question when the answer is literally right in front of them

"When is the review session?" It’s literally written right on the board.

"Where is your office?" It’s literally written right on the syllabus.

"What comes with a #5 combo?" Can you not even read a menu?


6) Ask the same question someone literally just asked

"When is the review session?" She literally just told us it’s Tuesday at 5.

"Where is your office?" Doug literally just asked that.

"What comes with a #5 combo?" Fries and a g.d. coke. This is 'merica.


5) Are shocked they have homework

You have had an assignment due almost everyday for the past four years of your life, and yet it surprises and enrages you daily. Probably time you found a tutor, or some nerd you can pay to just do the damn stuff for you.


4) Complain that all _________ are dumb, because, of the maybe five people you know from that sex/race/religion/creed, most of them are dummies:

It cannot be stressed enough; simply because you know a person who belongs to a demographic who is a simpleton, does not mean that all people from that same demographic are also simpletons, or awful, or robots. I pray daily that my fellow college students would have known this already. Sadly, my prayers remain unanswered.


3) Can’t eat without talk of needing to go to the gym:

Just eat your salad. Or your cake. Honestly it doesn’t matter either way because you’re probably not overweight and let’s accept it, we’re never going to the gym. It’s been years and we’ve still yet to go. Maybe we should talk about taking up an intramural sport instead?


2) Complain they have tons of work to do, then spend 13 and a half hours on Facebook

And it usually keeps them from going out on the weekends and doing actual fun things with those people whose virtual walls they’ve been writing on all week.


1) Post depressingly cliché Facebook statuses or tweets or what ever you kids call it these days:

Trevor Graham is *casual statement about life to show a sensitive side, remind others that he plays the guitar*

Jane Appleseat is *strong statement against males, subtext I was dumped*

Marge Fipher is *interesting fact about me that is obviously untrue*

Tom Redding is *yeah, I partied hard… AGAIN*

Haley Phenton is *if I post lyrics to an indie band it’ll mean I’m a poet, too*


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