Top 10: Things to Do Besides Study

 

10.) Go get some sun: You might not be able to answer any of the questions that are on your finals, but hell, you might as well have nice skin. The logic here is, if everyone is jealous of your tan, they won’t notice that you hand in a blank answer sheet. They’ll be too confused by your beauty to fail you!

 

9.) Start playing W.o.W.: World of Warcraft sucks you in, and days go by without you knowing. One day you are a level-one Night Elf Druid, and the next day you are a 30-year-old woman with broken dreams, a stomach rivaling Shamu’s and living with your parents. 

 

8.) Decide to become an alcoholic: The great thing about this is, most nights you won’t even remember your failed dreams due to the healing powers of alcohol. You can party instead of study all you want, you’ll be learning to live, man, not learning to… read… books.

 

7.) Read “Missed Connections” on Craigslist: With the realization that you will most likely fail out of school, a good pick-me-up is always welcome! Maybe you’ll get the courage to post one about the crush you’ve had for a few semesters, or maybe you can write one about yourself, and then “find it” a few days later! Your joy of not being alone will block out the despair of failing everything. 

 

6.) Facebook stalk your ex’s new partner(s): She is a horrible person and completely deserves all your hatred. Dissect every profile pic, and figure out why that whore ex would go to them instead of you, because who can study when she looks so happy with this complete bag of dicks?

 

5.) Real life stalk your ex’s new partner(s): After realizing they are somehow better than you, virtual stalking isn’t enough. Make sure you pack some antibiotic ointment -- sitting up in a tree all night can leave some pretty nasty cuts. And remember,  it’s them with the problem. Not you.

 

4.) Practice your already superior air guitar skills: If you can play air guitar you can play a real guitar. It’s not like real guitar is a skill that takes years of training and practice. Go downtown and jam out with your air guitar. Everyone will think you’re so talented and definitely not weird at all. And you could even earn a few bucks, which you’ll need when your chemistry professor sees you emotionally air guitar-ing “Stairway to Heaven” instead of taking his final.

 

3.) Learn to pole dance: Pole dancing classes are available at a few different places here in Knoxville, so why not give them a go? It’s a hard workout, filled with good people, and also, you’re going to need a trade to fall back on. Classes are cheap but remember, you’re not.

 

2.) Have Sex!: When you have nothing to do, just do someone. Sex is a great activity because you get to burn calories while transforming a friend into an awkward acquaintance. 

 

1.) Cry yourself to sleep: It’s a lot harder than it seems. You might have to cry for hours on end, but most of you could manage. Just remember that life sucks, but it get’s better, then it gets way worse, then you die. 

 

 
 
 
 
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