Top 10: Types of Awkward Moments Pt. I
- Article by Leah Lancaster
- July 21, 2011
Ahhh awkward moments…I’m not kidding when I say my whole life has basically been one long, never-ending awk-fest. I don’t even mean awkward in the cute, quirky way. I’m talking about the kind of awkward that creates those dreaded, tense silences quickly followed by alienated looks and “uh...yeah, so I’ll see you later.” Except you won’t see them later. In fact, you won’t see them ever again. Because you’re a weird, socially inept freakshow. Why am I telling you this? Because, finally, all my awkward experiences can serve a purpose. In this article, I can now come to the aid of social lepers who could use the advice of a wise old sage like me. Everyone has awkward moments after all, even the coolest cats that always seem like they know the right thing to say or do at the right time.
Awkward turtle #1: You accidentally sent a gossipy text to the person you were gossiping about.
Damn, you fucked up real bad. Talking shit is fun but not if the person finds out! God, don’t you know anything?? Ugh, anyway, this situation can easily be fixed if you’re willing to suck in your pride a little. Text the person back and just admit that you were being a bitch, apologize, and next time double check the contact before you hit SEND.
Awkward turtle #2: You made a joke and no one fucking laughed.
Shit, turns out your story about that one time you threw a javelin at your brother’s face wasn’t funny at all. Actually, everyone who heard it looks mildly traumatized and is judging you hardcore. The only thing you can do at this point is shrug it off, and maybe throw out a “well, I guess you had to be there.” Depending on the situation, try your best to redeem yourself after some time has passed, or evacuate the room ASAP.
Awkward turtle #3: You fell down/up the stairs, slipped, tripped, etc.
The guy you’ve been eyeing from your Psych class happens to be at the bar tonight—the same night you decide to trip on your stilettos and fall face-first into the Insane Clown Posse Pinball Machine. Surprisingly, you can actually gain something from this situation. Generally, people find it attractive when others can laugh at themselves. So laugh at yourself. Try your best to play along with the many other people who are making fun of you.
Awkward turtle #4: You were “that girl/guy” at the party last night
You wake up hungover on Saturday morning and for some reason all your roommates are looking at your strangely…Oh yeah, I guess that was because you shagged your best friends ex, barfed your leftover chili all over the flat screen, and cried hysterically for 4 hours in the middle of the living room about your cat that died over 10 years ago. Now is the time to apologize profusely and be everyone’s personal slave for a week. Most importantly, make sure to not do it ever again, at least within a 6-month period.
Awkward turtle #5: You farted/queefed/sharted.
Dude…fuck. Depending on who you’re around at the given moment, this could turn into a code red situation real fast. Again, the best thing you can do is laugh about it even if you’re getting the feeling that now’s a good time to dive off a bridge into shark infested waters. If you sharted, that’s kind of on another level. Get out of where you are fast, even if it means leaving behind valuable personal belongings.