Top 10: Worst Inventions of All Time

 

How many times have you walked around campus or the mall or even your neighborhood and said to yourself, "That has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever seen"? Personally, I have done that a thousand times.


That got me thinking about the worst inventions of all time. There are so many to choose from, but I came up with a list of 10 feeble-minded creations which make many people scratch their heads. Who knows, maybe you own one or more of these crappy items.


10. Crocs: First of all, just by looking at the shoes one will realize they're hideous. It is almost as if the creator couldn't make up his mind between a regular shoe and a sandal. He probably said, "Eh, what the hell. I'll just combine both into one. Then I'll add holes to get the whole 'Wiffle Ball' experience." It's an abomination of footwear and for those on campus who wear them, you should be ashamed and consider yourselves lucky that you still have friends.

 

9. Toupees: Ah, a hat for bald people. Who are these people trying to fool? Look cue-balls and chrome-domes, I understand - being bald sucks. But use Rogaine or Just for Men, or maybe even get medical help to grow back those follicles. It didn't work for George Costanza, and it won't work for you. Going bald is like going black; you just never go back.

 

8. Leaf blowers: In essence, the leaf blower is probably the most counter-productive yard tool ever created. Your lawn or sidewalk gets cluttered with bushels of leaves, so you pull out your trust leaf blower and decide to use high winds to move those big piles of leaves away from your yard ... to another area of your lawn 10 feet away! What the hell! Someone will eventually have to pick up all those leaves, and it will probably be you, the leaf blower extraordinaire! How dumb is that?

 

7. Aerobic stepper: Let me get this straight: stores sell this item, the aerobic stepper, for those exercise lovers to do calisthenics and so on. They are probably sold for $30 or $40, yet these scholars could potentially find a cheap $10 stepstool at a little grocery store and run up and down it and get the same effect. Psh, suckers.

 

6. Pet rock: It's an average rock, but someone adds "pet" to the title and lonely nerds worldwide buy them. They're still talking to them this very day.

 

5. Decaf coffee: Are you one of those people who wake up and brews a pot of scolding hot coffee? It gives you that caffeine rush and gets your day started. So what's the deal with decaffeinated coffee? Unless you are intentionally attempting to blacken your teeth and worsen your breath, I don't get it. Grow a pair and drink regular or just don't drink it at all.

 

4. Chopsticks: I'm aware of traditional chopstick use, and the use of such a utensil has spread around the world. Yet, the majority of the food eaten with chopsticks can be eaten with a regular fork or spoon. Is it a feeling of social superiority? It seems more like work as opposed to enjoying a good meal. But hey, keep playing around with your sticks.

 

3. Leashes for children: We've all seen them at least once in our lives. In the mall or in the park, some parents use variations of pet leashes to keep their kids in check. Why this barbaric care giving has not been outlawed is almost as outrageous as the entire notion of putting leashes around children's upper bodies to begin with. Sure, it gives me a chuckle, but that doesn't mean it's right. However, if you are one of the parents who treat their kids like German Shepherds, then more power to you.

 

2. Alcohol-free beer: Like my roommate Dave always says, this isn't my first rodeo. Having been on the Michigan State campus for almost four full years, I'm well aware of the party scene and the nightlife. I'm also aware that people drink alcohol to get drunk. Who thought of the concoction of alcohol-free beer? Was it a recovering alcoholic still trying to fit into the belligerent crowd or maybe some snot-nosed underage punk who wanted to drink something with the word "alcohol" in its title? Give it a break and stick to drinking Fanta if you can't handle the real thing.

 

1. Snuggie: The most impractical item of clothing ever created, although the millions of idiots who bought it would beg to differ. I'm not going to lie; it does feel nice and keeps you partially warm and comfortable. The problem I have with the Snuggie is that it is basically a backwards robe, and what pisses me off even more is that some average Joe is raking in millions of dollars from these backwards-robe wearing ignoramuses.

 

 
 
 
 
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