Top 10: Worst Ways to Start a Sentence

• Article by Staff
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• June 8, 2012
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• TAGS:
• Penn State,
• Kentucky,
• Michigan,
• College of Charleston,
• Florida,
• Kentucky,
• LSU,
• Vanderbilt,
• West Virginia,
• North Carolina,
• South Carolina

10) You probably had to be there, but… 

You know you’re in for a god-awful story when someone begins this way. Your best bet is to tune out immediately or come right out and say, “You’re probably right. I probably would have,” before walking away and farting in their face. 

9) Not to be racist, but…

I don’t really like how those kinds of people smell. Well, not to be a politically correct bitch, but you can’t just say racist things and get away with it by prefacing them with that disclaimer. Even if those kinds of people do smell.

8) I started getting cold sores when….

Abreva commercials aren’t fooling anyone with their low-budget actors trying to act like having a cold sore is socially acceptable. You can have your herpes and treat it too, but don’t go waving your medicated chapstick in all of our normal, non-herpes infested faces while you blab on about your disgusting STD-ridden whore mouths.

7) I wouldn’t call it a fetish, but…

Yeah, I suppose that’s really all you can call it. Sentences that start this way are bound to be spoken by perverts and weirdos who like to pee on people and wear masks when they bang. 

6) I’ve never told anyone this, but…

Dear god, get out while you still can. What’s that? You just remembered it’s your grandma’s funeral and you need to give the eulogy? Perfect. Go now. Although this sentence could potentially end on a good note, it more often tends to be a person’s deepest and darkest secret. And trust me, you’re better off not knowing that the James who just put his hand near your downstairs used to be Jamie, your babysitter. 

5) I can’t tell if that’s a boy or a girl, but…

Coming in a close race with mistaking a not pregnant woman with a pregnant one, accidentally confusing one’s gender to their face is an awkward moment that’s not easy to bounce back from. So, just think—don’t say. Butch girls have feelings too.

4) I can’t remember the punch-line exactly, but…

Usually a disclaimer given by old people because they’re old and no longer have the ability to remember things that aren’t absolutely essential to their survival a long time ago. This is once again an instance that forces you to use your instincts: Fight (through it) or flight (get the hell out before they end up on a rant about the Vietnam War). 

3) I don’t know for sure, but…

This is basically just another way to say, “What I’m about to say is most likely bullshit, but...” Like, c’mon, if you don’t know for fucking sure, don’t waste my time. I assure you Google will know. 

2) I can’t pay you back today, but…

Surprise, surprise—Deadbeat Denny asked you out to dinner (to Denny’s) and then “forgot” his wallet after he ordered three milkshakes. God Denny, you’re so disgusting. The only thing anyone can count on you for is to let them down.

1) I hate to do this to you, but… 

What a cop-out. This really hurts me, but I’m still going to do it because it benefits me. Seriously, I promise it hurts me more than it hurts you to leave you with the kids while I sail around the world on my yacht.