Well, Dad, Fetch my Buttons!

Well, Dad, Fetch my Buttons!

Article by Evan VanDerwerker
|
June 20, 2011
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Father’s Day is just around the corner of Commercial Holiday Avenue and Not As Important As Mother’s Day Boulevard (at least it was when this article was written!), and 60 percent of the country will not be celebrating. Yes, okay, I made up this statistic. But, the point still stands! Fathers everywhere are unappreciated, and ignored on their holiday, when most of them have been like fathers to us. Well, this won’t be the case for my dad, who will forever be known as my BFF, but without the locket.

I planned ahead this year. I posted a “Happy Father’s Day, Pop!” on my dad’s Facebook wall in January. He should find it any day now. I know what you’re thinking, and my gift does not end with a menial 24 characters. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you dad, and admit to eight things that you ended up being right about. (Did you seriously just count the characters in my Facebook post?)

You were right when you told me to “just have fun.” That year you coached my little league baseball team with the motto of “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, as long as you have fun.” was frustrating for me. When you substituted me out from first base for that younger kid that wore his glove on the wrong hand, I did handle it as poorly as you publicly pointed out. When I was younger, I would have described this situation as humiliation, but now I know it was a lesson in humility. However, I still do not condone equal playing time for the less talented.

You were right when you said “You will like it.” While I was skeptical at first, as any rational child would be when petitioned with bacon and cheese hotdogs as a weekend lunch, I see now you were right. Father, the Coney dogs, as well as all other leftover-concoctions you created, were delicious. Especially now that the women of our family have turned to gluten-free foods, I can honestly say that I wish you were allowed to choose dinners more often. Just kidding, mom! Bring on the oats!

You were right when you said “If all of your friends jumped off a bridge would you?” I will not do that again.

You were right when you said “Just play the game.” This little tidbit of advice has helped me endure many-a-bad-teacher during my college career. The art of appeasement is a difficult one to master, but thanks to you, dad, I am quite the chipper student when I pass a professor in the hallway. Given, the preferred outcome of playing this “game” is for all the professors to declare bankruptcy after landing on my Boardwalk hotel, but I play fair nonetheless.

You were right when you said “Listen to your mother.” That’s a battle never won! Am I right, dad? You can’t see me right now, but I am chuckling smarmily.

You were right when you told me “Get your elbows off the table.” Actually, I take that one back. I still don’t really see how that matters.

You were right when you said that “All Steven Seagal movies are the same.” They are all the same. But, as you showed me that one time, those karate chops to the neck are smart like a bee sting!

You were right when you said that “Tthe idea that polaritons increasing the coupling strength when confined to nanoscale semiconductors is scientific hyperbole, and the field of photonics is pseudo-science at best!” Phew. I don’t think anyone can dispute that one.

Certainly, dad, the list goes on and on. I realize that the older I get the wiser you get. However, there is hope for the young me, yet. There is still a large list of things you have to be proven right about for “When I get married” or “When I have kids.” It’s the 21^st century, dad, kids don’t need bedtimes.

Happy (belated) Fathers Day!