White Building Controversy


Stress is running high this week at Penn State after an altercation arose in the White Building, a popular fitness center on campus. A female junior was said to have entered the gym at 5:30 p.m., a peak time at the gym for many members of the University’s Greek life, of which the victim was not a member.


At 5’8” and 135 pounds, the assailed female’s proportions would normally be enough to grant acceptance into their community. To the sisters of the Phi Sigma Sigma sorority, more commonly known as “PSS,” acceptance couldn’t be further from the case.


Within half an hour of her arrival, after stepping off of a bike in the sorority-dominant “cardio room,” the first Phi Sigma Sigma sister -- lurking on a neighboring stair climber -- initiated the attack. Atop an elevated surface, the sister was at an obvious advantage as she ripped the GDI to the ground, pulling at the victim’s clothes, and eventually tearing her shirt in half. Before the victim was able to ward off the attacker, a second sister quickly joined in, slapping her across the face with her Nalgene bottle covered in sparkly PSS stickers, which left several abrasions. Although employees of the fitness center quickly came to the aid of the victim, it was far too late.


“She was wearing men’s gym shorts and a yellow Hanes t-shirt, with some sort of sports team on it – nothing related to THON, not even Penn State – what did she think was going to happen?” demanded a witness, who is a member of another sorority on campus, Kappa Alpha Zeta.


“She wore her hair up, she was sweating and had no make-up on, it was honestly hard to watch,” said another, “I eventually moved to the weight room to avoid her. I was really uncomfortable,” she added.


An anonymous source also claims that the outfit might have only been part of the problem. It’s been rumored that a brother of Delta Sig has been texting both the victim and a female within the Phi Sigma Sigma sorority; however it was not concluded as to whether or not that sister was involved in the beating.


The Penn State community is now in chaos as students divide themselves over the assault. “I understand that the sororities here are territorial, but if we let them get away with this, what’s next?” desperately asked another God Damn Independent.


Another senior female isn’t so forgiving, saying, “I wanted revenge. I was going to toilet paper their house, but then I remembered that they don’t have one. All they have is a floor of a building.”


Just one male student was willing to comment on the event, leaving Penn State students with something to think about:


“I’m getting drunk tonight and pondering over why the hell girls care so much about this shit.”


The female victim is currently recovering at Mount Nittany Medical Center.


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