Stories By Dan
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Campus Life
UIUC Student Named Daniel has Mental Breakdown after Hearing “Damn Daniel” for Millionth Time
The viral video “Damn Daniel” has taken the nation by storm. Soon, there were companies such...
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Illinois
Super Senior Can’t Figure Out That Everyone Wants Him Gone
As the summer fades and Labor Day approaches, so does the fall semester. Tom Gregory, a...
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Illinois
Chancellor Wise Steps Down as Reward For #1 Party Ranking
Effective August 12th, Phyllis Wise will step down from her position as the Chancellor of the...
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Illinois
Coach Beckman Tells Media To Suck His Dick
February 6, 2015Illini Football coach Tim Beckman busted into yesterday’s news conference in the best mood he’s been...
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Booze
Frat Bro Enjoying Murphy’s Questions his Existence
February 4, 2015Last Saturday night, Vince Wayne went to Murphy’s. While this statement alone may not be anything...
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Illinois
Ike Replaces Staff with Students’ Mothers
January 26, 2015After spending a month at home, many students became too used to eating good meals, and...
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Illinois
The Madlib: Explaining to Your Parents How Your Professor Screwed You
December 17, 2014Hey Mom and Pop, I know that I failed, but my professor screwed me. It’s...
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Illinois
Miracle on Green St.
December 9, 2014Students were shocked last week to find the real Santa Claus has been among the student...
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Campus Life
Student Gets Tongue Stuck On Alma Mater, Raises Many Questions
December 3, 2014A crowd gathered the Alma Mater last Tuesday morning, December 2, when sophomore Jimmy Jensen was...
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Campus Life
Student Returns Home to Find He’s Been Replaced
November 18, 2014Hoping to surprise his parents, freshman Greg Sanders returned home a few days early for Thanksgiving...