Stories By Stuart Sizzurp
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Illinois
QUIZ: What UIUC Dining Hall Are You Based On Your Sexual Proclivities?
The dining hall is the pinnacle of the underclassman lifestyle. There’s nothing especially significant about them,...
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Illinois
Students Excited for GEO Strike Devastated When Classes Just Moved to Shittier Locations
The Graduate Employees’ Organization (GEO) at U of I is currently on strike as the TAs...
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Illinois
5 Ways to Get Your Loser High School Friend Back to the Chicago Suburbs Where He Belongs
There’s nothing like an impromptu visit from that old high school friend who’s in his third...
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Illinois
5 Dishonest Methods That’ll Get Your Tinder Match to Give You the Succ at the Eternal Flame on Valentine’s Day
Ah shit, you’re single on Valentine’s Day again. Still, wouldn’t it be rad to match with...
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Illinois
5 Ways to Kill Time When the 22S Has Been Stopped Down the Block from You for 5 Minutes
You were proud of yourself for finally arriving to a bus stop on time. You wanted...
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Illinois
We Turned Your Hot TA’s Moodle Updates Into ASMR
Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, or ASMR, is a relatively unknown scientific phenomenon, which refers to complete...
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Illinois
We Can’t Believe That The Sorority Girl Wearing a Tie-Dye Crop Top at KAM’s Ended Homophobia
Throughout history, many have faced discrimination and oppression based solely on their sexual orientation. Thanks to...
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Illinois
U of I Student Always Wearing NASA Hoodie Turns Out Not to Be in Aerospace Engineering
Tuesday, Brad Mackenzie, a UIUC sophomore, was spotted once again wearing a grey NASA hoodie at...