Amber O'Brien

Amber O'Brien

Staff Writer

University of Illinois
8 Ways U of I Helped Us Be Below-Average Summer Camp Counselors

You may think you’re only learning valuable information during your overpriced classes at the University of Illinois. The truth is, UIUC has been preparing you to be a mediocre camp counselor this WHOLE time. Here’s how. 8.) Taking Care of Your Drunk Friends at KAM’s is like Taking Care of Children: A camp counselor feeds […]

8 Ways to Remind Everyone You Go to Illinois When You’re Stuck in Community College Summer School

Taking summer classes at your local community college is sure to be miserable, but making everyone around you just as miserable will ensure your survival during these dark times. Here are some easy (and especially douchey)  ways to keep up your Big Ten reputation over the summer:8.) Wear Strictly University of Illinois Apparel: If your […]

Top 10 Things to Do During Your Last Night in Champaign

Your last night in Champaign should be an unforgettable experience when you finally do all the things you’ve haven’t had the chance to do for the past four years. Here are a few activities you can do to help make this night as fun and embarrassing as you’d like. 10.) Take Body Shots Off of […]

Top 10 Ways to Get a Last-Minute Subleaser in Champaign

Finding a subleaser for the summer when there’s only two weeks left in the semester can be more stressful than your finals. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so here’s a few things you can do to find that lucky someone who will get to take over the lease for your outrageously overpriced apartment.10.) Obnoxiously […]

Top 10 Things Every U of I Student Thinks About During Sex

Whether you’re hooking up with a random you met at KAM’s or making sweet love to your long-time partner, every UIUC student has similar thoughts while getting laid. Here are a few examples of some not-so-dirty thoughts you may be having during your sexy time.   10.) “I Wish Antonio’s Didn’t Close Down.”: Antonio’s being […]

Top 10 Signs Your Formal Date Is Actually John Groce In An Ill-Fitting Wig

Finding a date for a spring formal can be stressful enough, but add the possibility that your date might secretly be former Illini basketball coach John Groce and you’ve described pretty much everyone’s worst nightmare. Here’re a few signs that you may have unknowingly agreed to go to formal with John Groce.10.) The Bars Don’t […]

Top 10 McKinley Cures for Senioritis

As your college career comes to an end, your senioritis is in full swing. Like any other UIUC student who is seeking mediocre healthcare, you should go to the McKinley Health Center to help you cope with your impending doom of becoming a functioning member of society. Here are some quick cures they offer for […]

7 Kinks to Experiment with at The Red Lion

If you want to do the nasty in a strange place where morals go to die, The Red Lion is the place for your next sexual conquest! The sexual possibilities are endless, the fantasies are filthy, and you just might leave with an incurable rash. Here’re a few crazy, freaky, and erotic ways to get […]

Illinois Student Believes Her Spring Break Service Trip Will Save the World

This week, University of Illinois senior Danielle Francis has decided to spend her spring break on a mission trip in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with her church instead of partying with her friends in South Padre.“I just really felt like I should do something that would make a difference this year!” shouted Francis in her peppiest […]

UIUC Student Creates Three New Identities So He Doesn’t Have to Deal with Group Project Members

University of Illinois junior, Brett Manning, has recently become the first student to create three new identities in an attempt to avoid dealing with yet another group of flaky project members.“I was just sick and tired of doing the work of four people and having to share all the credit and I’m done picking up […]