Sara Donic

Sara Donic

Staff Writer

University of Illinois
7 Cravings Menu Items as Various Sex Acts

It’s well known among Illini that ordering a meal at Cravings is basically booking a three-hour timeslot with doctor diarrhea later that night, but some of the menu names are deceivingly sexy. Capture the heart of any Cravings customer with these seven spicy suggestions.7.) Mixed Vegetable: Vegetables come in a variety of shapes and sizes, […]

Top Illinois Sorority Sues Girl Scout Over Misleading “Thin Mints”

UIUC’s top house, Kappa Alpha Alpha, recently nicknamed “Kappa Alpha Thin Mints” and “Kappa Alpha THICC” by the UIUC student body, has elected to file a law suit against 7-year-old Gracie Garnett, who they claim scammed them into buying high-calorie cookies.“That brat totally lied to us! She lured us in with her sweet little smile […]

The 7 Sexiest Statues at UIUC

Once you’ve spent a few semesters as an Illini, chances are you’ll be able to name off at least a few of the many statues on campus. Make no mistake, though – some statues are far sexier than others.   7.) ECE Dicks: When you think “ECE Dicks,” the kid in your CS 101 class […]

Drinking Game: Four-Loco

Fleeting sense of sanity? Check. Notoriously shitty booze? Check. You’re all set to play Four Loco, a drinking game designed for those who want to hang out right on the precipice of a six–day hangover. Not to mention the horrific fruity-smelling puke that’s sure to follow.What You’ll Need: As much Four Loko* you can buy […]

Student Gets Business Minor After Successfully Talking His Way Out of Cover at KAM’s

This week, psych major, and now business minor, Jonathan Fox managed to weasel his way out of paying cover at KAM’s.“It’s just a matter of connecting with the bouncer, you know?” explained Fox when asked how he accomplished his impressive feat. “You have to show them that you understand them and their duty on a […]

Drinking Game: Now You See Me, Now You Don’t

What’s more fun than scrambling around campus in the middle of the night while you’re hammered? Doing it blindfolded! With this drinking game, you and your friends can challenge your group’s sense of direction and laugh obnoxiously every time one of you stumbles into a brick building.   *The Black Sheep doesn’t ~fully~ condone drinking […]

UIUC Celebrates 150 Years of Empty 8 a.m. Lecture Halls

UIUC is celebrating the 150th anniversary of its founding this year, which naturally also commemorates 150 years of empty 8 a.m. lecture halls at the university. This week, the sadists who insist on holding their lectures at 8 a.m. met to craft a plan to celebrate this momentous occasion.“For the past few semesters, all the […]

Quiz: What Kind of UIUC Transportation Are You?

Are you a walker getting hit by a bike, a bike getting hit by a car, a car getting hit by a bus, or, worst of all, someone who has to ride a bus?

Top 10: Worst Things to Bring Home from Study Abroad

Study abroad can be a truly enriching college experience, both for you and your roommate who can’t wait to bang all their hookups on your furniture while you’re away. Although souvenirs are a great way to commemorate your experience, there are certain things not welcome back in ol’ Chambana.   10.) A Fancy Foreign STD: […]

UIUC Frat Boy Disappointed He Can’t Just Retake Psych 100 Every Semester

As the spring 2017 semester starts, hundreds of UIUC students are scrambling to secure spots in their classes of choice. For some, such as sophomore communications major and proud Beta Sigma member Brock Johnson, haggling for a satisfactory schedule has proved especially frustrating.“The academic advisors are being totally unreasonable about my scheduling requests,” complained Johnson. […]