Andrew Malone

Andrew Malone


Drinking Game: Shot Roulette

Have you always found the concept of Russian roulette exhilarating, but don’t want to lay life and limb on the line to enjoy the game? If so, we have devised a variant of the high-stakes game that is sure to get the adrenaline pumping. Fear not, the only danger here is the over-consumption of alcohol.What […]

McKinley Health Center Alarmed by Meme Addiction Epidemic

Over the past few months, a new addiction has gripped campus, plunging countless Illini into the depths of sleeplessness and destructivity: meme addiction. The McKinley Health Center staff has finally taken notice. “Meme addiction is particularly harmful because of its accessibility,” explained Larry Bloom, head researcher of the McKinley Meme Division. “Any student with an […]

Drinking Game: Slap Shots

Nothing goes together quite like drinking and physical violence. This simple drinking game combines these two grand American pastimes in an elegant fashion. Don’t let the simple rules fool you, this is one of the most intense drinking games out there. Just be sure to play it with close friends, because if you’re the odd […]

6 Non-Academic Reasons You Won’t Graduate from Illinois

Every year, hundreds of seniors at UIUC fail their classes in spectacular fashion and are unable to graduate. Often, failures are due to a lack of effort in the classroom—but not these. Here are some non-academic reasons that some of our beloved seniors will not be crossing the stage to “Pomp and Circumstance” this spring. […]

UIUC Dance Major Can’t Believe He’s Delivering Pizzas While His Friends Have Summer Internships

As a member of Flowing Waters, UIUC’s co-ed interpretive dance troupe, junior Jeremy Jackson lives and breathes dance. When he’s not performing in front of a cultured, smelly crowd at the Krannert Center, he can be spotted slaving away in a remote corner of the ARC for the sake of art. Dance majors and Urbana […]

Drinking Game: Clichés

People-watching is a timeless pastime that’s been practiced for years. It’s amazing how amusing it can be to sit outside and watch handfuls of the college campus stroll by, entirely consumed by their own business. Sometimes, you’ll see something so outrageously stereotypical that you must turn to a friend and wonder aloud, “Seriously?” This week, […]

Drinking Game: Mustaches

Everyone loves a nice ‘stache. Whether it be the handlebar mustache, the dad mustache, the news anchor ‘stache, there is truly a mustache style for everyone. With the amount of hype surrounds mustaches in this day and age, we just had to make a drinking game about them.What You’ll Need: A TV, some construction paper, […]

7 of the Edgiest Places To Blast Cigs at UIUC

Cigarettes are synonymous with rebels and outsiders, or at least that’s what tobacco companies would like you to believe. In the age of rampant anti-smoking propaganda, cigarettes have become taboo. If you’re an Illini with a renegade soul, show the world just how little you care by smoking in one of these seven edgy places […]

FSA Introduces Pledge Marriage Counseling and Divorce Services at UIUC

Greek life members Rodrick Stone and Emma Porten, two juniors at UIUC, surprised all their friends and pledge family this week when they announced they were hitting a roadblock in their pledge marriage.“We were best friends,” said Stone, wistfully. “We ate meals together, studied together, and even took each other to date events when we […]

Drinking Game: Sip, Sip, Shot

Hearing the phrase “Duck, Duck, Goose” conjures up fond childhood memories of playgrounds and birthday parties (unless you were the slowest kid in the group, in which case these might be traumatic memories. Sorry!) For those looking to retreat into the comfort of their childhood, we have transplanted this childhood classic into the adult world. […]