Ben Ebert

Ben Ebert

Staff Writer

University of Minnesota
8 Mistakes You Better Not Repeat in Spring Semester at the U

College is a time for growth, and the University of Minnesota is no exception. Sometimes the only way to improve yourself is to realize you were a giant fucking idiot and made inexplicable mistakes, like being optimistic or expecting compassion from your professors. There’s no need to repeat these shameful mistakes, so here’s a list […]

9 Circles of Finals Hell At the University of Minnesota

Every college student knows the fiery abyss that is finals week. Whether Dante knew it or not, his inferno perfectly encapsulates the temporary nightmare that is the University of Minnesota’s campus during finals. From the greedy CSE students in Walter, to the demonic worshippers on superblock here are the nine circles of hell on the […]

Gopher Decides To Say “Thank You” Twice After Someone Holds Consecutive Doors for Him

Dan Cox, a third-year Gopher student, said “Thank you” twice after the person in front of him held two successive doors for him.

CLA Student Makes Bold Decision to Use CSE Computers in Walter

Current CLA student Ali Rodgers committed a bold and unprecedented act, she used the CSE computers in Walter Library as a non-CSE student.

Top 7 Places At the U to Take Shelter During The Inevitable Nuclear War

Now that Obama is out of the White House it only seems logical to expect the worst (i.e. nuclear warfare).

Survey Shows Gophers Don’t Know if They’re Stressed About School or Upcoming Election

A survey shows that UMN students are slightly more stressed than usually, but with the upcoming election a lot of students aren’t sure what they’re stressed about.

Ranking the Sexiness of Gopher Basketball Players by Name Only

You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge it by its title, so here are the sexiest players on your 2016 Gopher Basketball team.

5 Changes President Kaler Would Make if Elected President of the United States

If Trump has showed us anything, it’s that you don’t need to be a politician, or even an actual human, to become president.

Nihilistic CSCL Professor Has Officially Stopped Giving a Damn

With midterm season in full-swing, Cultural Studies and Comparative Literature professor John White has officially ran out of fucks.

8 Ways You’ll Most Likely Die on the UMN Campus

Here are the most plausible ways that your life is going to end during your Gopher Experience.