Ben Ebert

Ben Ebert

Staff Writer

University of Minnesota
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Tate Hall Being Remodeled into Building for English Students

CSE students will be greatly disappointed to find out that Tate hall is being constructed as a new building for English majors.

6 Most Suitable Valentine’s Dates for Goldy

Everyone deserves a lover for Valentine’s Day, even colossal animals with disproportionate heads and nefarious intentions like Goldy. To help Goldy avoid the humiliation and never-ending loneliness that students are so akin to on Valentine’s Day, we made a list of best potential suiters for our furry friend.   6.) UW-Madison’s Bucky the Badger:  Pros: Goldy […]

Bruininks Hall to Be Renamed Yet Again

Due to the enormous amount of confusion surrounding the name Bruininks Hall, formally known as STSS, the building is once again going to be renamed.

President Kaler to Replace DeVos as Secretary of Education

Betsy DeVos, has been fired from her position after everyone in the universe realized she was as competent as a plastic spork.

Each UMN College as Your Favorite Phallic Shaped Vegetable

University of Minnesota colleges possess traits found in all their students, but these colleges resemble the most unique fruits in the world: eggplants.

8 Mistakes You Better Not Repeat in Spring Semester at the U

College is a time for growth, and the University of Minnesota is no exception. Sometimes the only way to improve yourself is to realize you were a giant fucking idiot and made inexplicable mistakes, like being optimistic or expecting compassion from your professors. There’s no need to repeat these shameful mistakes, so here’s a list […]

9 Circles of Finals Hell At the University of Minnesota

Every college student knows the fiery abyss that is finals week. Whether Dante knew it or not, his inferno perfectly encapsulates the temporary nightmare that is the University of Minnesota’s campus during finals. From the greedy CSE students in Walter, to the demonic worshippers on superblock here are the nine circles of hell on the […]

Gopher Decides To Say “Thank You” Twice After Someone Holds Consecutive Doors for Him

Dan Cox, a third-year Gopher student, said “Thank you” twice after the person in front of him held two successive doors for him.

CLA Student Makes Bold Decision to Use CSE Computers in Walter

Current CLA student Ali Rodgers committed a bold and unprecedented act, she used the CSE computers in Walter Library as a non-CSE student.

Top 7 Places At the U to Take Shelter During The Inevitable Nuclear War

Now that Obama is out of the White House it only seems logical to expect the worst (i.e. nuclear warfare).