In a staggering display of evidence that there is no god, the Donald Trump press conference, which began on February 16th, 2017, is still somehow going on. “Now tacos,” a visibly exhausted Donald Trump noted to an empty room, “pretty good! But those disgusting Mexicans, gotta get rid of ‘em! Good ole USDA beef, some […]
Many freshmen living in the Valleys feel they’ve been tricked by the sneaky Valley Dining Hall into gaining the dreaded freshman fifteen. Instead of lacing up some sneakers and taking a run up one of the many enormous hills of Western’s campus to combat weight gain, one student came up with a better idea: a […]
Following a night of presents and passion for millions of couples across the United States, depressed and pathetic singles everywhere are braving the light of day to stuff their sallow faces and distended stomachs with recently-marked down Valentine’s Day Candy. “I’ve got my swattin’ broom handy,” Kathy Longfellow, a manager at a Chicago-area CVS, noted, […]
No one expects their Valentine’s Day date to go south until it does. If you’re stuck at The Union’s Sagamore Room or a sketchy off-campus apartment with nothing but a crappy date and your quickly-deteriorating pride, here are 4 ways you can scoot out when the goin’ gets tough. 4.) Princess Sophia? Krull the Warrior […]
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and I don’t want to be alone. Won’t you come on a date with me? I can tell you’re apprehensive, let me tell you why you should say yes.10.) We Talked After Class That One Time, Remember?: Hey, I thought we really hit it off. I said you […]
Name: Alana Echols Bar: Jake’s Roadhouse Relationship Status: Taken Favorite Drink: Water, Vodka, Lime or Moscato Favorite Shot: Gummy Bear Disgusting Drink: Cement Mixer or Four HorsemenWhere’s the best place for a sneaky makeout sesh in Jake’s?: The back alley!What’s the fanciest booze you got in Jake’s, if we wanted to impress a date?: Johnny […]
Today, amongst much protest, Betsy DaVos was appointed Education Secretary. But, can you do better Time to put up or shut up by taking this quiz.
As your parents scoot away in the minivan, you realize now you have a LOT of time to kill now that you're, uh, no longer "enrolled" in "school."
When you’re at Western, you think you know the game until the real world clotheslines you into a shit-storm of reality. One day you’re enjoying your carefree play and the next day you wake up chained to a toilet while a little clown man in a tricycle is asking you to “play a game” in […]