Brendan Bonham

Brendan Bonham

National Writer

University of Illinois
Ideal Spring Break Locations for Each Cornell College

TGIASB—“Thank goodness it’s almost spring break” is a phrase muttered by a majority of Cornell students as they prepare for a week of fun and blowing off all of their work. Does your ideal spring break match your college? Find out here.   7.) College of Agriculture and Life Sciences: These future farmers (or current […]

5 Reasons Women Have No Right to Be Mad About the United Leggings Incident

Yesterday, United Airlines sparked controversy after it didn’t let two women wearing leggings board a flight in Minneapolis. But, we think that’s all poppycock, and we have 5 good reasons why. 5.) You Should Be Ashamed of Your Filthy Body: Have a little modesty for once in your stupid lady life. There are children around […]

10 Things WMU Tour Guides Wish They Could Tell Visiting High Schoolers

Nearly every Bronco on campus went through at least one admissions tour before they finally decided to sign their life away to Western Michigan University. Many to-be Broncos get the same peppy speech about WMU, but once they get here they realize WMU isn’t exactly what the guides made it out to be. Here’s what […]

“Totally Broke” College Students Manage to Find $400 for Lollapalooza Tickets

With the 2017 Lollapalooza lineup headlined by Chance the Rapper, Lorde, Muse and The Killers, financially-challenged college students across the Midwest are managing to find $400 for tickets. “Yeah, like, I’m totally broke,” Wisconsin junior Tony Ursur noted, “but like…LOLLA, man! So, I called my mom, and she floated me a loan for tix.” Other […]

A List of 32 Sh***y Things At Purdue That Would Still Be Better Than Being A Kansas Fan

As if Purdue wasn’t stressful enough academically, it’s starting to stress everyone out athletically as well – our basketball team’s narrow victory over Iowa State last week brought us one step closer to the championship game in this year’s March Madness Tournament. Tomorrow, we play Kansas,  one of the most dynamic teams left in the […]

Hi, I’m Brad Underwood And I Can Get You In A Slightly-Used Pontiac Aztek Today for Just $9,999!

Hey there, it’s Brad Underwood, nice to meet ya, bud.  I saw you eyein’ that Pontiac Aztek right out there, and lemmie tell ya, if you just gimme a few minutes to talk to my manager, I bet I can get you in that sweet ride today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the basketball stuff pays the […]

Mexico’s Latest Immigration Ban Removes Pike From Banned Frat List

Following public outcry over the banning of seven frats from entering Cancun for spring break, Mexico has issued a revised travel ban, allowing members of Pike fraternity to vacation in the college spring break hotspot. “It seemed like the humane thing to do,” President Enrique Nieto said during a press briefing Monday, March 13th. “Everyone […]

QUIZ: Have You Spoken With Russia Lately?

A lot of people have been in trouble lately, and it’s all Russia’s fault. Those conniving Cossacks have been trying to work their way into the United States political machine for some time now. But, if you’re not sure if you’ve ever spoken to Russia, you better take this quiz to find out.   WATCH: […]

Betsy Devos Read Good Words On Jim Crow Man Once

Once, Betsy Devos read good on man, Jim Crow. She say, “he good!” Jim Crow man good because he make school for people who no have school. Betsy Devos good too, because she want make school, too, for people who have school, but bad school. “I like school,” Devos said in words today. “School good, […]

How 8 Different Types of Insomnia Cookies Describe The Pain of Cornell’s Prelim Season

Prelim season is upon us. A not-so-wonderful time full of hard work, resilience, regret, energy drinks, existential crises, failure, and self-loathing. These 8 delicious cookies from Insomnia not only sound delicious, but will remind you that you should be studying. Chocolate Chunk: An old-time classic that a majority of humans with taste buds greatly enjoy. […]