C Milli

C Milli

Chief Campus Editor

University of Illinois
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5 UIUC Jobs Worth Applying to if You Want to Be Stuck In Champaign Forever

One of the best parts of coming to UIUC is the opportunity to escape after your sentence here. But what happens if you truly fall in love with this little town and want to stay in it forever? Here are five jobs in Champaign you should apply for when you’re too scared and underqualified to […]

The 5 Stages of KAM’s Closing Grief

Recently, by totally exaggerated and not to mention mean standards, our beloved KAM’s has been forced to close for a few days from March 27-29th due to failure to “meet” certain “legal requirements.” If you’re like most of UIUC’s campus, this news not only comes as a shock, but an utter disgrace to the spirit […]

How to Obnoxiously Remind Everyone in Mexico That You Go to UIUC

If you’re like many ~fratty~ af members of UIUC’s campus, you know that Mexico is definitely the place to go for spring break. From the legal drinking age– roughly three years old– to the rolling beaches covered in hot garbage, Mexico is the most popular spring break location to contract gonorrhea from thicc bitches in […]

UIUC Business School Signing Day to Give Extra Validation to Already Over-Validated Business Students

The event will end at 3 p.m., but College of Business faculty believe the event won’t end until every last special snowflake has been stroked off.

Drinking Game: Horse Races

Being drunk with your friends is fun; being absolutely plastered with your friends is better. Take your turn on this week’s drinking game, Horse Races, and see if you can survive the marathon.   What You’ll Need: One drink per player, one shot per player, a deck of cards and a round surface to play […]

The Judgmental Map of KAM’s

KAM’s is quite possibly the single most important establishment on the planet. Why you ask? It’s the epitome of what college is supposed to be about: drinking and grunge. Take a look at this judgmental map to really understand why KAM’s has become the legend that it is today and see if you can see yourself.   […]

Top 10 Places to Hide From Your Idiot ISU Friends This Unofficial

While Unofficial is the most famously celebrated holiday on the University of Illinois’ campus, there are also some MAJOR downfalls. Number one among them: the fact that dozens of your least favorite people from the infamously second-class Illinois State University decide today of all days is the best day to show up. Here’s where to […]

7 Reasons Why McKinley Health Center is Closed on Sundays

McKinley Health Center is one of the most poorly-run places in the Midwest, so of course it would be closed on Sundays. It’s like they think no one get sick on Sundays. We have some theories on why the center is closed on Sundays. 7.) The Doctors Need a Day Off After Not Doing Anything […]

Top 10 Ways to Get a Drinking Ticket at UIUC

If there’s one thing UIUC kids are familiar with, it’s the infamous drinking ticket. Forget buying that new pair of shoes you like or donating that $300 to charity (yeah, that’s it!), that cash is going straight down the drain in the form of a big ol’ sloppy slip of paper. Buckle up and read […]

Top 7 Places to Puke at UIUC When You’re Disgusted With Valentine’s Day (With GIFs!)

If you hate love and also hate people, here are a few places in Chambana you can puke in case you come in contact with disgusting couple-y bullshit.