C Milli

C Milli

Chief Campus Editor

University of Illinois
8 UIUC True Life Episodes

If one thing on this earth is relatable, it’s shitty MTV content from the early 2000’s. True Life is one of those very special that people love to hate. But what if those topics existed solely to explore the realms of glory that exist on our own campus? Only those with the strongest gall can […]

7 University of Illinois Campus Building to Flip Off Before You Graduate

Graduation season can be a trying time for anyone, but is especially difficult for anyone who as spent multiple years at the University of Illinois. From dealing with shitty Illini sports teams to getting lost in the Armory every semester, Illini really need to blow off steam by the end of finals. Here’re seven awful […]

How to Wine and Dine Your Cracked Breakfast Sandwich

In the day and age of so much turmoil and strife, it’s nice to know you have a special someone to really lean on when life gets tough. Sometimes, though, humans just don’t cut it and you finally have to cave to your urges to date your favorite gourmet foods. Here’s how to treat your […]

The 10 Commandments of UIUC

Since Easter has come and gone faster than that soft 4 you chased out of your apartment in your last drunken stupor, The Black Sheep thought it best to remind everyone on campus of the Biblically-themed “10 Commandments of UIUC.” Aside from the moral values you’ll gain if you follow these, you might even find […]

Natural Selection to Destroy Students Who Make You Climb Over Them in Foellinger

If there’s one thing UIUC students can understand, it’s the pain and struggle of awkwardly dry humping a stranger who has chosen to sit in the aisle seat in any given lecture. Thankfully, the Department of Biology here at UIUC has finally had something to talk about this week: it seems that natural selection will […]

April Showers Better Than Illinois Athletes at Making Girls Wet

In the wake of the Fighting Illini ending another disappointing basketball season, firing their coach, and losing their star recruit, some Illinois student-athletes are having trouble scoring women. Illini women all over campus are now experiencing a new sensation from the April showers that have once again come to campus.“There’s nothing like walking to class […]

U of I Mom Who Studied Abroad in 1985 Still Reminding Everyone About it 30 Years Later

One of the biggest perks of attending UIUC for many students is the opportunity to choose to study abroad in another country. This week, Kathy Sollers, a UIUC mom and graduate, can’t seem to stop reminding everyone during Moms Weekend about her own abroad experience back in 1985.   “I love talking about fricken Spain,” […]

Illini Communications Student Writes Award-Winning Dissertation By Letting Dog Walk All Over Keyboard

Graduation is swiftly approaching and for many U of I grad students, which school dissertations are due soon. This week, a very good graduate student has won an impressive award from the university for his dissertation.   “I’ve been too drunk all semester to even focus slightly on my responsibilities for my grad dissertation so […]

5 Steps to Overcoming Your Sexual Feelings Towards Joe’s Burgers

If you’re like most of UIUC’s hungriest and THICC-est bar patrons, you’ve definitely experienced the overwhelming “Oh my God, I think I just came” moment when you bite into a juicy-ass Joe’s half-priced burger. Here’s what to do if you find yourself caught up in a spiraling upward burst of ecstasy the next time you […]

5 UIUC Jobs Worth Applying to if You Want to Be Stuck In Champaign Forever

One of the best parts of coming to UIUC is the opportunity to escape after your sentence here. But what happens if you truly fall in love with this little town and want to stay in it forever? Here are five jobs in Champaign you should apply for when you’re too scared and underqualified to […]